speechless; vkook {sequel to voices}

~ nine ~

{ Taehyung's POV }

"Taehyungie please, please...just talk to me."

I don't know why I left him alone after that. He said that in his pleading voice and I froze in panic. My mind went blank and I stood up and ran away. He didn't call after me and didn't follow me because I broke him again. I left him alone in the rain and it wasn't the first time.

I came home to the smell of cookies in the oven and Hoseok singing in the kitchen. Jin walked out and raised an eyebrow at me. "Where's Jungkook?" He asked accusingly. I looked down at my muddy shoes and watched my vision blur from tears. I felt someone grab my shoulder and shake.

"Yah! Where's Jungkook?!" Jin yelled making me look up. I looked in his eyes and just shook my head. My lip was trembling again. He furrowed his eyebrows and his face looked really pained.

"Taehyung. What happened to you?" His voice cracked at the end and I felt my heart drop as tears threatened to flow down my cheeks. He shook his head and grabbed my face in his hands. What was he doing? He answered by using his thumbs to wipe the tears from the corners of my eyes. He still cared too.

Why?

"Alright everyone we gotta go get Jungkook!" He shouted as everyone was putting their outerwear on. He turned his attention back to me. "You stay here Taehyung. Take a shower and clean up and go to sleep okay?" I lightly nodded and they all filed out the door.

I stared at the door, frozen in place.

What was I doing?

"...I-I'm sorry..."

~~

The shower was a good place to calm down and let more tears out of my face. I'm so pathetic. I can't even face most of the guys anymore let alone myself. What was I so afraid of? Myself? Probably. I hurt people so easily. I have no other use anymore. I just hurt people including myself.

I got out of the shower and started to dry off when I saw a razor with dried blood on it, making my heart sink further in my chest. This had to be Jungkook's. I was the one still making him do this. Me. But I have no idea how to fix it.

Depression turns the mind into a scary place. A place full of fear and anger towards no one else but yourself. It turns into a place that you can no longer trust to get advice or search for help. Your mind uses itself against you and becomes its own monster. It spews out lies and critiques all at the expense of your own sanity. I knew my mind was anything but sane, and it's getting harder to keep taking that pain.

I left the bathroom and dragged myself into mine and Jungkook's shared room. It felt so empty without him here. He belongs by my side, but I just don't know how to get him there again. I'm not entirely sure that's where he wants to be, or if he'll ever truly be there again,

and the thought of that kills me.

I laid down in my bed and let the thoughts of Jungkook pull me to sleep.

~~

I woke up to warmth. A foreign yet familiar kind of warmth. As I came to my senses I felt the arm secured around my waist. Could it be? I heard the soft snores in my ear and carefully turned myself around to face him.

Jungkook.

His hair was slightly damp and his eyes were swollen. I could see the tear stains on his cheeks. I smiled softly and traced the lines with my thumb before ending at his lips. Those lines were caused by me. His sadness is caused by me. His pain is caused by me. After kissing him lightly on the lips I came to a conclusion.

I don't want to cause his pain anymore.

Goodbye Jeon Jungkook.

~~~

A/N: whoops what am I doing

back at it again with fucking up the feels