This God Forsaken Planet

Chapter 3

As the cycles passed Shmutle and Professor Curly Pop studied the signals they picked up from Earth and learned what they could about the human's languages and cultures, and sending their most interesting and relevant information back to the ship. And of course there was no one better to send the information to than Shmutle's old research team, Izzy and Bagu.

"Any new information about the human's life cycle?" Asked Izzy.

"Or any statistics to go with the new information?" Questioned Bagu.

"I am sending the translated stats your way," Said Shmutle, "and as for new information, the only thing I can tell you is that it really depends on which culture the human belongs to."

"Are there any universalities among humans?" Grumbled Izzy.

"Other than biological needs, not really," Said Shmutle.

"So the only thing the humans have in common is that they all eat and poop?" Said Izzy exasperated.

"Well, they all live on planet Earth," Added Bagu with a smile. Shmutle held back a laugh.

"Am I working with Toef or leaf vegetables?" Said Izzy, her skin had gone from light blue to orange so quickly Shmutle was starting to wonder if he was getting lag.

"I'm beginning to wonder if researching each culture individually might be a better solution than the holistic approach we've taken so far," Suggested Bagu, "if we know the parts of each culture we may be more prepared to compare them."

"I suppose you're right, but where do we start?" Asked Izzy. "The humans have so many different cultures, I'm surprised the planet isn't one big pickle!"

Bagu and Shmutle both had to hold back laughter. Though Izzy never meant to be funny there were times that she was downright hilarious.

"Perhaps we could start with the dominant culture?" Asked Bagu. The redness from his scar making his amused shade of blue look more apologetic.

"The Most dominant culture seems to be the Americans," said Shmutle, "The only problem with that is that American culture is what the humans call a melting pot, a mix of cultures."

"So they through a bunch of other cultures on a wall and saw what stuck?" Asked Bagu.

"That seems to be the case," Said Shmutle.

"Okay, then where did their culture come from? There has to be a base," Chimed in Izzy.

"From what I found out about their history that would be English culture." Said Shmutle.

"Ok, so we'll start there and work our way around the planet comparing and contrasting as we go," said Bagu.

"Sounds like a plan to me," Said Shmutle.

"Glad we could get somewhere," Said Izzy.

Bagu and Izzy then signed off. Shmutle sank into his chair. Talking with his coworkers was almost always exhausting. Trying to keep up with Izzy's constant mood changes and energy level was difficult on its own but added to Bagu's lack of emotion the two seemed to amplify each other, and yet Shmutle found himself craving Toef contact.

Shmutle decided to call his parents. He checked the time on his watch, which he set to the time on the ship. It was about the time his parents usually got back to their quarters. He entered in their number and waited. The screen of his personal computer showed a waiting screen. Shmutle was almost ready to call it quits when Bopp popped up.