Asking myself

Shattered

I always ask myself why I always stay alone,why i have no desires to be with someone,why can't I explain how I feel like a normal person,why can't I let go of this pain,why is this pain so addictive? And I never get a complete yes or no.I look deep inside myself to get an answer but all I find is emptiness and darkness inside me.Somedays I feel like nothing have ever happened with me .I feel like i have never been broken before but at the same time I'm full of sorrow,regrets and hate.I find happiness within me but at the same time I find me convincing my own self it's okay to be flawed.It's okay if nobody want me or need me.I find me hiding myself so that nobody could find out the real me nobody could see how shattered I'm and now I have mastered the art of hiding self so perfectly that I can't even find my own self.I don't know if I'm happy or sad if i'm broken or healed.I'm a mess now.