Bex
Morning After.
He was right. Anthony was right. She was mentally breaking down and I didn't even know it.
My job was supposed to make her happy and protect her at all costs but obviously I fucking suck at that shit.
She didn't want to be with me. She didn't want to be here at all. She hates me.
I shut my eyes tightly, trying to make the tears go away.
I open my eyes and turn my head, looking at her peacefully sleeping.
It was almost time for her to wake up.. she always wakes up around this time. She'd flutter her eyes open and look around, then she'd look at me and frown.. as she was expecting it all to be a dream.
The tears threaten to fall again. Fuck.
I hated crying. It showed that I was weak and being a gang leader, that wasn't really supposed to be me.
I close my eyes again and try to calm down, trying to make the tears go away.
A couple tears slip out and I quickly wipe it away and sniff a bit.
I hear shuffling next to me but I don't open my eyes. I know it's her but hopefully she didn't wake up.
"Are you okay?" I hear her whisper.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. She probably thinks I'm a fucking weak ass bitch.
I don't open my eyes and just lay there, hoping she'll leave me alone.
"Bex," she tries again, "are you okay?"
I open my eyes and look over at her, and sniff real quick, "yeah, I'm good."
I quickly sit up and run my hands over my face.
"It's okay to not be okay," she walks over to my side of the bed and sits beside me.
Why was she acting like she cared? I knew she didn't. She couldn't give two shits about how I felt.
"I'm fine." I say dully.
"Then why were you crying?" she asks.
"I wasn't, I uh, something got stuck in my eye," I lie.
She sighs, "alright, you don't have to tell me," she gets up and starts to walk towards the door.
I shut my eyes tightly, knowing I already fucked up at the chance of getting close to her, "Wait."
I open my eyes and see she stopped and turned around, facing me.
Tears start to prick my eyes again. I hated crying. But it was like I couldn't hold it in.
"I'm not okay."
A tear rolls down my cheek and she immediately comes over to sit beside me again.
"What's wrong?" she asks worriedly.
"It's just-" I stop for a couple seconds, "I'm sorry," I apologize, looking at the floor, not wanting to look at her.
"For?" she questions.
"Kidnapping you," I look at her with sad eyes.
She doesn't respond, instead she hugs me tightly. We stay in that position for a while, not saying anything, as tears continue to fall.
"Why don't you just let me go?" she asks as she pulls away.
"Cause.." I pause not knowing if I should say what I want to say next.
"Cause?" she questions.
I shake my head and wipe the tears away, calming down, "you wouldn't understand." I mutter quietly.
"I can try."
I didn't know if I should tell her. She was only here for two and a half weeks. She'd freak out if I told her the truth.
I look at her and don't say anything.
She looks at me with hope in her eyes as she's curious on wanting to know why I couldn't let her go.
"I can't let you go," I finally speak.
"Why?" she furrowed her eyebrows.
"I-" I pause for a second, "I need you."
"I-I'm sorry?" she says, still not getting it.
I sigh and shake my head, "want to go out for breakfast?" I say, quickly changing the subject.
"What about-" she starts but I interrupt her.
"I'm hungry, let's just eat somewhere." I say getting up from the bed and walk towards the bathroom.
She doesn't say anything but mumbles an "okay" and I just close the door and lean my head against it.
I was so fucking close on telling her the truth but I pussied out.
I'm afraid she wouldn't want to be around me anymore, or even look at me if she found out. I didn't want to keep secrets from her.. that's the one thing I didn't want to do but at the same time, I couldn't risk telling her.. not until she loves me.
And I will make her love me. I will do everything in my power to make her fall in love with me. Because I love her. And fuck, I couldn't live without her.
A/N: oh. this chapter sucks monkey balls.
hope you enjoyed. or not..
If you're like confused on all this.. it'll be explained later.
You'll be like "oh shit, fr?"
But goodbye for now.
-Catalina
