Beautiful Pain

Chapter 9

Novalee

     It's been hours since we started driving. We just stopped in Saint George, UT to go to the bathroom and fill up the tank. After pulling through a drive through, we are back on the highway while I help Deacon eat his lunch.

"So what do you do for a living?" I ask while I lean over and offer him another French fry. He takes it with his mouth and chews quickly before answering me.

"I'm a chef. My best friend and I opened a restaurant together and we take turns running the kitchen. His name is Sawyer, you'll love him. He's really excited to meet you." He flashes me a smile before focusing on the road again. The traffic was slowly thinning, and soon enough we would be able to pick up the pace again.

"So he knows you came to get me?"

"Yeah, he actually came by our house the other night. While I was waiting for you to respond." He cleared his throat and I passed him his water. "He was the one who shoved me out the door with a bag and my keys." He smiles fondly.

"You said 'our house', do you guys live together?" I don't know how I feel about that. Sure, I feel safe around Deacon and could even call myself bold with him. But that's because he's my soulmate, I know I can trust him with every fiber of my being. I don't know about this Sawyer guy, I trust Deacon to never let shady people around me, but the thought of being around other men still makes me nervous.

"Nope. When I say our house, I mean our house. Yours and mine." He grabs my hand and interlocks our fingers. "I bought it last year for the sole purpose of finding you and hopefully raising a family in it." His cheeks darken just a bit, and I can't help but kiss his cheek.

"How did you get to be so perfect?" I say in a teasing voice, but I'm completely serious. His cheeks grow darker but he smiles.

"So, is that a yes to the family?" His deep voice sound so hopeful. I've never really thought about having kids. I always assumed my father would end up killing me before I had the chance.

     I take a moment to think about it, stroking Deacons hand so he knows I'm not ignoring him. I think about what it would be like if I were to wake up pregnant, and have Deacon hold my hand as I gave birth. I think about holding a tiny baby with his dark curls and dimples. I think about taking them home and watching them grow.

"I think it is." I reply softly, and his smile grows wider and brighter. I hope our kids have his smile.

***

Deacon

After our talk about kids, we turned on the radio and Nova had fun surfing all the channels. We talked about everything. I learned that she hasn't really talked much in the last 8 years, just enough to get by in school and be polite. Her favorite color is green, she blushed when she said that but she wouldn't say why. She loves ice cream and chocolate croissants, and she likes to cook.

The more I learn the more excited I get. I know my parents will love her, and I can't wait until I can introduce them to her. I can't wait to surprise her in the mornings with chocolate croissants in bed, and I especially can't wait to cook with her.

She eventually falls asleep, and now I'm sitting in the dark driving through the mountains of Colorado holding her hand. Her face looks pained and she starts to whimper. I give her hand a squeeze and look for somewhere to pull over, but right now there's either the cliffs edge or the forest.

"Please, stop." Her voice is soft and quiet, but full of fear. "I'll be good I promise."

Finally, I see a sign for a rest stop and quickly pull off into the parking lot. She's sweating and breathing heavily when I turn off the car, I push her hair off her face and try to wake her up.

"Nova, honey, it's just a dream. It's just a dream." I run my hands down her cheeks and give her shoulders a gentle shake. Tears spill out of her eyes and she starts to shake.

Her eyes flutter open a bit, and panic suddenly floods her face. She screams and throws herself towards her door, getting it open before I can stop her.

I get out and bolt around the car to see her still screaming on the ground, scrambling backwards. Away from me.

"Nova, love, what's wrong? Nova, it's me. It's Deacon." I'm panicking, and I can hear it in my voice.

Suddenly she stops and her face clears. Her body is still shaking as she looks around the dark, abandoned rest stop.

"Deacon?" She whispers, "I'm so sorry." Nova folds in on herself and cries. "I'm so sorry! I dreamed that my father was beating me, it was so real. When I opened my eyes, I thought he was still here..." she trails off and I sit next to her on the ground and pull her into my lap.

"It's ok, Nova love. It's ok." I rock her back and forth, my heart still thundering in my chest. She cries harder as I hold her, until eventually her tears slow. Her face is buried in the crook of my neck when I feel her fall asleep.

I sit with her for a few more minutes before I get up and carry her back to the car. I think about putting her in the passenger seat again, but she holds on to me tighter when I lean down to do so. Instead, I push my seat back a little farther and climb in to the drivers seat with her curled up in my lap.

Now that the adrenaline has worn off, I can feel the new bruises and scrapes she gave herself with her panic attack. I lean down and take in her scent as I pull back onto the highway, and drive a bit faster towards home.

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