Hey guys! So I'm sorry that this isn't what you guys are hoping for but I just felt the need to do this since I trust you all and feel I can talk to you guys. I will delete this soon but I just wanted to talk about some things...
[ALSO QUICK WARNING!
IF YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND DEPRESSION AND HARM, TURN BACK NOW AND DO NOT READ. I WILL NOT DEAL WITH PEOPLE QUESTIONING MY LIFE CHOICES]
1) I have anxiety and panic attacks.
Whenever there is something wrong with me, I can never tell anyone due to my anxiety that my family is yet to know about. I have been having small panic attacks lately and it's all because of my own actions.
2) I'm super stressed.
I cannot live a day anymore without at least being nearly in tears due to stress. My life isn't even that hard compared to others and yet here I am. And all of the stress I have is caused because I just won't do things correctly.
3) I procrastinate too much.
When it comes to school work and other things, I end up not doing any work until the last afternoon or hour where I end up staying up late at night just to still not get everything done. I recently had to turn in an unfinished book report (which I will still complete but it's not like that'll help) and now my teacher is going to talk about my recent behavior with work to my parents in two days.
4) I have self harmed.
On my arm, there are several (faded out) cuts. I was actually going to cut again yesterday until I decided against it considering my pajamas were short sleeved and my parents would prob notice. I am overly dramatic with my "depression" as tons of people have way worse lives than me and I feel like my "depression" is just a fake that I have to make me like some of my friends.
5) I can't talk to anyone.
The only people I have ever talked to about my insecurities are some of my friends and I still only talked about a bit of it. I always feel like I want to tell my parents but I never do because my anxiety stops me from doing that. No matter how many times they say, "we're not mad, we will always love you" it won't break me out of my shell. And now look at me, I'm telling the internet about this stuff.
And of course, there is way more insecurities I have, but I just can't get myself to say anymore. I feel like it is a wrong decision to be saying this and I'll prob take it down in less than an hour but I don't even care anymore.
Also, about that thing about the teacher wanting to talk to my parents, they asked me if there was anything I wasn't turning in and there, of course, is but I just couldn't get myself to tell them.
Does anybody have any advice? Probably not but...it's worth a shot. I mean- it's obvious they'll find out on Wednesday so: why not just come clean? BUT I GUESS IM JUST TO MUCH OF A SCAREDY CAT TO SAY ANYTHING TO THE PPL WHO WILL UNDERSTAND
Anyways guys...I hope you can understand this stuff even tho I'll probably delete it before anyone can see it....peace out....
YOU ARE READING
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