Forever is a Long Time . . . (A Frank Iero and My Chemical Romance Fan-Fiction)

Chapter Ten

Like I'm Thinking Of You?

As the week carried on, so did the preparations for Frank’s party. It was decided that the festivities would be held at Ray’s house on Halloween night which, lucky for all of us, fell on a Friday this year. Not only was I looking forward to it because it was my best friend’s eighteenth birthday - the day he finally became a ‘man’- but also because I knew I had a kick-ass costume.

I’d been working on it for weeks, even before mention of throwing Frank a Halloween birthday party, and I couldn’t wait to show it off. I’d been careful about not revealing it to the guys, but once they saw my Marvel Girl outfit, it would totally be worth the wait.

I searched high and low for a green shirt and skirt that matched, pairing them with a yellow belt that had come with a dress I’d once bought. I made yellow arm warmers and bought a plain white mascaraed mask and painted it yellow. If you asked me, it looked killer, but I don’t know if that’s because it actually was or because I was too proud of my creation.

The guys had tried and tried to get it out of me, not wanting to wait until the night of the party to finally see my costume, but I stood firm on keeping my lips sealed. Gerard was especially persistent about it, given his almost unhealthy love of comic books and superheroes. He’d tried most intrusively out of any of the guys to get me to spill or at least give him a hint, but he couldn’t break me.

“Oh come on, Paige,” Gerard whined one day in the middle of gym while we were supposed to be taking free throws for basketball. “Just give me a hint.” He could whine and plead and beg all he wanted to, but nothing would make me tell him.

“Sorry Gerard, but you’re gonna have to wait like everyone else.” Gerard just pouted at me as I tossed the basketball towards the hoop, missing it naturally. I ignored his moping as best I could, but on the inside, it was killing me. In truth, I couldn’t wait for the guys to see the genius that was me dressed as the coolest girl superhero ever, but my slight mental angst was totally worth their complete mental suffering.

The weekend was finally here and there were only two more to go until Frank’s party, and I still had to buy him a gift. I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to get him, so Gerard and I took a day trip to the mall to see if anything caught my attention.

“What about some CDs or a video game or something?”Gerard suggested as we waltzed through the mall, looking into the various stores.

“No, he’s already got millions of CDs and he’s not really a video game kind of guy.” It was true. Frank’s room was already filled to the brim with CDs of just about every genre of music from just about every band, and in all my years as his best friend, I’d barely ever seen him play video games. The only thing I actually have seen him play is his guitar.

Just as I was thinking of this, it caught my eye. There, in the music shop window, sat the most gorgeous white guitar I’d ever seen, and I didn’t even play. I looked up at it, taking in its absolute perfection until Gerard snapped me out of my daze. “Yo! Paige. Earth to Paige.”

He snapped his fingers in front of my face to grab my attention. “Sorry, I just had a thought.” I was gonna do it; no matter what it took, I was gonna buy Frank that guitar.

“Really?” Gerard inquired after I shared my idea with him. “Paige, it’s like seven-hundred dollars.”

“So? Frank’s my best friend and you only turn eighteen once. Plus, I think he’ll really like it; he’s been talking about getting a new one for ages.” Frank’s old guitar was shoddy and wearing out fast. It wasn’t really ever fully intact to begin with and the fact that he played it so often didn’t help much either.

“You really love him, huh?” Gerard asked. I pondered this a moment, thinking of the best way to answer him. “He’s my best friend for a reason.” I didn’t want to slip anything to Gerard, so pulling the trusty ‘best friend’ card was my best option.

Gerard got a slightly devious look on his face. I wondered what it was about but he cleared my suspicions when he asked, “You sure there’s nothing else going on?” Oh boy. I started to feel my face heat up a little, knowing I was blushing yet not being able to do anything about it. I swallowed hard as I tried to cover up my nervousness.

I tried to calm my shaky voice, not letting Gerard in on what I was thinking, as I replied, “No, why?”

It was obvious at this point that I was trying to hide something and Gerard could see right through me. A smile crept up on his face as he coyly let out, “Oh nothing.” Nothing my ass.

“What? Tell me.” It was obvious to me where this was going, but just in case, I wanted Gerard to explain himself before I said something I’d later regret. “Paige, it’s obvious.”

“What is?”

“That you’re in love with Frank.” I would be lying if I said that I didn’t see this coming. I knew this was what Gerard was hinting towards, but it was also what I was hoping he wouldn’t be thinking. So I did what I did best; deny, deny, deny. “You’re delusional. I’m not in love with Frank.” It almost worried me how easily the lie slipped out of my mouth, but if it meant keeping my love a secret, I wasn’t going to complain.

Gerard’s faced softened at this, transitioning from sarcastic and teasing to knowing and kind. “It’s okay that you are, and you can lie about it all you want to, but I know I’m not wrong. You’re in love with Frank whether you’re willing to admit it to me or not.”

Gerard had always been the one person who knew me just about as well as Frank did. He was the only person I’d ever even slightly considered confiding in about my feelings for Frank, but I never saw it as a reality;until now that is. There was no denying that Gerard was firm on his belief, and the secret had been eating away at me; it would have been nice to tell someone. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

I let out a defeated sigh and in a low tone said, “Okay.”

“Okay what?” asked Gerard, though it was clear he knew what I was about to say.

“Okay, you’re right.” There, it was finally out.

“I knew it!” he exclaimed in reaction to the news, my secret love of Frank no longer being a secret anymore.

“Please don’t say anything,” I nearly begged Gerard. If Frank knew how I felt, it would be devastating. I’d lose the best friend I’d ever had and ever could hope for, and if Gerard was the one to tell him, he’d lose his balls.

But Gerard knew better. He knew how much I valued Frank and needed to keep him. He was much smarter than I gave him credit for sometimes. “Of course not,” he assured me in a sincere, honest tone. “You have my word.”

I felt much better knowing this, but I was still a little shaky from having actually just told another human being the secret I’d kept hidden in the deepest corners of my soul for the past six years. It was a strange feeling to suddenly have it out in the open; even if it was only one other person who knew. In all honesty, that’s the way I wanted to keep it.

“So how long?” Gerard suddenly asked.

“Like, six years,” I replied in a small, pathetic voice. It was sad to be in love with someone for six years without them ever knowing it, and it was even sadder for that someone to be your best friend.

I directed my gaze down at my feet, not wanting to look at Gerard, not wanting to see the undeserved sympathy he’d offer me.

I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder and looked up to see Gerard. He leaned against me and tried to be supportive. “Hey, don’t get yourself down about this. Stuff doesn’t always work out how we’d like it to, but you got to keep your chin up, kid.” As he said this last part he gently nudged my arm earning him a small and light laugh. “There’s someone out there for everyone.” Gerard always knew just what to say.

In truth, I felt good about telling Gerard my feelings for Frank. The secret had been eating at me for years and recently had been starting to drive me crazy, so it was nice to get it off my chest a little; liberating even. I was glad I’d shared my biggest secret with someone I trusted, someone I knew would keep it just that: a secret. I was glad that out of anyone, I’d shared it with Gerard.

“You’re right. Thanks, Gerard.”

“For what?”

“Just . . .” I tried to pick the best words to describe just what he’d done for me, but it was much more than just here and now. “For being you.” Gerard smiled at this and pulled me in tight once more before releasing me to stand with his arm draped around my shoulder. We looked up one more time at the guitar before turning away, leaving the music shop behind us to head off in search of more possible birthday gifts for Frank.