bully (harry styles)

eighteen

songs for this chapter: dark paradise- lana del rey

your song- ellie goulding

*2 weeks later*

I'm stuck. Stuck between my feelings for Harry, trying to get back at Bella for what she did to me,  but I can't. If I could, I would. The thing was that they were gone now. Both of them. I wish I could take back my words of what I said before , but then I remind myself what they did. What pain they caused towards me and my mother. My mom  was finally happy that I found a guy that would treat me right, a guy that would love me just like dad loved my mom. My heart hurts. Literally hurts from the pain, for that I was broken. I was a broken little girl by the time Valentine's day came up, every couple smooching on the streets and guys handing their girlfriends some chocolate and roses. I stayed inside the whole day, staring out the window, up at the sky like there was no end to it. I tried to avoid my thoughts, because all I kept asking myself was; what would happen if me and Harry were still together? Would he have gotten me a Valentine's gift?

I heard that Isabella transferred to another school, a private school possibly. Thats what the word was around the school, I wasn't positive. I would never forgive Bella for what she did though, what she did was haunting. I didn't care for her that much anymore.

Harry left, so did his father. They moved out of that dreadful house that will forever be mocking me, what was I thinking? A cute, sweet guy like him could actually like me? I bet he didn't even love me. I never been in love. But did I  love him? I believe I did, but I'm not so sure.

I remember before Harry left,  he continiously knocked and knocked on the door before giving up, just as I thought he was about to walk away, he spoke up again. 

''Mickey, open up please."

"I'm so, so, sorry. If you open up, I'll explain everything I promise." I could hear his feet shuffle against the doormat,

A few minutes passed before he spoke again, "If you care at all, my dad got a new job up in New York, ill be here until tomorrow. I'll miss you, so much Mickey. Again, I'm sorry.'' I heard him break into a sob before I heard the sound of footsteps walking in the opposite direction.  I swear that would be forever drilled into my mind, until the day I die. His voice cracked towards the end, I knew he was in tears but I didn't care, because so was I. I told myself that I wanted to see him in pain, just so he could know how I felt, but I wasn't as sastified as I thought I would be.

I never went to say good-bye, even though every bone in my body was screaming at me to do so. I couldn't bring myself to, I just couldn't. I knew I should've slapped the shit out of him once he told me, scream in his face and tell him I never wanted him to talk to me ever again. But that would be a lie, wouldn't it?

I started writing a diary that I kept to myself, I thought that I could maybe, just maybe, send this to Harry. The problem was, I had no idea where the hell he was. I had his number, but I didn't want to call him up and ask. I could go on the computer and try to search for Harry and his dad, but what's the use?

''No,'' I shook my head to myself. I should be getting over Harry. He betrayed me, so did Isabella. I need to stop moping around and go out there and live my life. I kept repeating it over and over in my head. I need to get over him. ''You don't love him... you don't love him..'' I whispered over and over again.

After an hour of convincing myself, I ran to my diary and ripped it into shreds, trying to destroy any memory I ever had with Harry. I need to move on, I kept repeating to myself. I ripped off the fake rose from the table that he gave to me one evening, I was having a real bad day. He decided that he would give me a fake rose so it could last forever, instead of a real one. I threw it in the trash can along with the journal. I dropped down to my knees during the process, I lost my balance and tripped over my own feet. I needed to clear my thoughts, my guilt. I couldn't continue on like this.