beauty behind the madness | the weeknd

41

Rose

"Are you sure you don't want me to come up with you?" Abel asks, as he pulls up outside my apartment. 

I nod. "Yeah," I say. I get out the car and enter the building. It's been a week since my accident - I missed graduation, but I honestly don't care. The doctor just discharged me today and Abel told me that I could stay with him, even though I protested and said that I could stay with Zoe. I'm grateful that I have him by my side. I think I would be a mess if I didn't have him, especially after what happened with Jordan.

When I reach my floor, I get out the lift and stand outside the door, dreading going inside. I really hope Jordan's not there, I don't have the energy to talk to him. 

Breathing deeply, I insert the keys and open the door. The smell of alcohol hits me immediately and the room is dark and quiet. The curtains are drawn closed, but there is a little light coming in from the lights outside, allowing me to make out everything in front of me. I suck in my breath when I see Jordan sleeping on the couch. He's cradling an empty bottle to his chest and a couple of other empty bottles are on the table and on the floor. So this is what he's being doing the past week? Drinking? Pathetic. I mean, I get why he would be drinking - he did lose a child - but he could deal with it like a real man and not drink away his sorrows. 

I start to tip toe past him and up the stairs. If I'm quiet enough, I can make it in and out, without him waking up and realising that I'm here. I manage to get upstairs and I quickly start packing my bags, not even bothering to fold the clothes. When I'm done, I creep back downstairs. I end up tripping over something and land on the floor in a thud. 

Jordan starts to stir in his sleep. His squints a little and looks in my direction and then his eyes fly open. He quickly gets up and runs over to me. "Rose?" he says desperately, the words coming out a little slurred. He helps me back to my feet and I grip the bag even harder. He looks down at the bag in my hand. "What - what are you doing?" he asks.

"Leaving," I mutter, not looking him in the eye. 

"What? Why? Please don't!" Jordan begs. "I don't know what I'll do without you." I try to say something, but he quickly speaks. "I'm sorry I cheated on you, okay? Please! Just give me another chance! It'll never happen again!"

I shake my head. "Once a cheat, always a cheat," I say more to myself than him and he looks at me with sad eyes.

Jordan shakes his head. "I swear to you, Rose, it'll never happen again," he says, taking my hand in his. "I promise."

The hot, wet tears start spilling down my cheeks and I pull my hand away from his. "I can't be with you," I say, my throat hurting. "You cheated on me and I'll never be able to forget that. You're the reason why I lost our child. If I didn't find you with that girl, I'd still be pregnant. We'd be parents." I stop and breathe. "I deserve so much better." 

Jordan slumps down to his knees. "Don't leave me," he whispers, his head down.

My heart drops at the sight of him. I bend down and take his head in my hands, making him look me in the eye. "I have to," I say, tears falling down my cheeks. He starts shaking his head. "It's the only way I can get over what happened. If I stay here with you, all I'm going to reminded of is how you cheated on me and how I lost my child because of you."

"I love you," Jordan says, grabbing my hands and holding them tight.

"If you love me, just let me go," I say to him. He loosens his grip on me and I get up. "I'll come back another time to get the rest of my stuff." I look at him one more time before leaving. When I l close the door behind me, I lean against it and cry harder. I quickly wipe away my tears and leave the building.

"You okay?" Abel asks, as I slide into the passenger seat and put my bag in the back.

I sniff. "Yeah," I say quietly. I look out the window and Abel starts driving away. 

Thirty minutes later, we arrive at his apartment. He takes my bag from me - even though it's not heavy - and we enter the elevator and ride to the 30th floor. I can feel his eyes on me the whole time, but I don't look up at him, in fear that I'll start crying again. We step out the elevator and I follow him to his apartment. He opens the door and holds it open for me. I step in and look around. It's spacious and everything is either black, white or grey.

"Um, you can stay in the guest bedroom," Abel says. "Do you want me to take your bags there?"

I start to nod, but end up crying. I'm getting sick of all this crying - it's exhausting. I just want it to stop. Abel drops my bag on the floor and walks over to me, wrapping his arms around me firmly. I bury my head into his chest and wrap my arms around him, breathing in his scent. "I'm sorry that I keep on crying," I say, untangling myself and looking up at him. 

"You don't have to apologise," Abel tells me softly, wiping the tears away from my cheeks. He strokes my cheek and rests his forehead against mine. I close my eyes and feel him press his lips against my forehead. My lips lift into a small smile and I move away and rest my head on his shoulder. "You feeling tired?" he asks and I nod my head. "Come on, then,  let me show you where your room is." Abel takes my hand in his and starts leading me towards the staircase. I almost trip, since my eyes are starting to go heavy and close. He ends up picking me up bridal-style. When he gets to the room, he lays me on the bed and starts to cover me with the blanket. He switches the light off and starts to leave.

"Wait," I say quietly, looking over at him. "Can you . . . stay with me?" Abel smiles and walks to me. When he gets under the covers, I move over to him and rest my head on his chest and he starts touching my hair. "Abel," I say, looking up at him. 

"Yeah?" he asks.

"Don't leave me alone," I say.

Abel kisses the top of my head. "Never," he says and I smile and rest my head back on his chest, drifting off to sleep.