The Substitute Teacher (The Sequel)

Sequel Part 13 ~ Moving On, Standing Still

~ Ariana's point of view ~ 

I delete the picture of him from my phone. . I delete his number, even though I know it by heart. . I think that if I just delete him enough, it will be like none of it ever happened and my heart won't hurt so badly. I know it's my fault for the way thing have turned out. I still love Michael and I want our relationship to work but he's making it so hard for me. He went and left and found himself a new place to live. I guess I deserve everything. 

I never wanted him to leave, I never wanted him to move on without me. All I wanted was for him to give me time. But that was too much to ask of him, I guess. While he was gone for so long something happened in me. I can't quite explain what but it did. Michael and I have been married for so many years now . . . it's hard to tell if it is real love that still makes me feel drawn to him or if it's just the very essence of him that is still lingering in this house. 

Nick and I aren't in love . . . we were never in love . . the only thing I wanted from him was COMFORT. . . the kind of comfort I didn't have when Michael was away. Am I such a bad person for wanting comfort? . . was I being so horrible for doing what I did? . . feelings have a mind of their own . . . I can't control the way I feel. Some days I loved Michael and some days I didn't. It was hard to tell when he was gone. Nick was always there to give me what I needed . . and I would be lying if I said I never had an ounce of feeling for Nick. 

Michael and I drifted apart . . . I didn't want it to happen but it did. Now that I know I still love Michael and want to be with him, he's moved on. . . and I can't blame him. I refused his proposal . . I should've never done that. I regret not saying yes now. I regret not giving him the love he needed when he came back home. I regret it all and I hate myself for it but it happened and I can't turn back the time to undo it.

Michael made up his mind. He's a different person now. We're like strangers. I have to get used to this . . . I am a person who suffers from so many disorders, I can't even being to explain. I struggled my whole life. Being someone who doesn't fully love themselves it's hard to be correct to your partner. It's hard to be fully committed when you can't even commit to yourself. I deserve it . . I deserve that Michael broke up with me. I have to find myself again and figure out what I need and how I can be truly happy again.

I want Michael . . that's for certain . . but he doesn't feel the same way anymore. 

I should've never told him about Nick . . I should've never opened up to him about not knowing if I still love him or not . . . what was I thinking? . . . Jaylah was right . . too very often I only think about myself. I should've been more careful. . . . no wonder I scared Michael away. 

I hope one day we'll be able to work this out . . . 

I really hope so . . . for us . . . and for Leah.

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~ Michael's point of view ~ 

It's saturday afternoon . . . the kids just left. I will miss them so much. . but right now I'm looking forward to seeing my friends. Adrien Jeff and Shane. I haven't seen them in so long . . .we have a lot of catching up to do. They already know about the separation . . . and they know what I need to get my mind off things . . . a night with them in the City. 

It feels weird wearing my wedding ring and making myself ready to go out as a single guy. I was just about to take the ring off . . . but no . . . it's too early . . . I'm not leaving it on for Ariana . . I'm leaving it on for the kids. 

They guys just came . . . they're seeing my apartment for the first time. 

"Michael you are living the life man . . . . how does it feel being a single man?"