K I N G

e i g h t

athazagoraphobia
noun
The fear of forgetting, being forgotten or ignored, or being replaced

Neil's POV
The those two little words struck Neil deeply. Those words slid across his skin as if paint was being poured over him. The absolute misery in Todd's voice melted away any anger Neil held towards him. No, he wouldn't forget the confusing, hurtful things Todd put him through, but he could forgive him for it. However, Neil wanted Todd to suffer a little more before he'd let his friend know that.

Todd gulped harshly under Neil's blank stare.

"I-I...I can't ask you to forgive me. I was stupid. A complete knucklehead! It would be too much to ask you to forgive me."

Neil stood suddenly, stalking his way towards Todd. Neil saw tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes before the blonde looked away, fear and anguish rolling off him in waves. Todd flinched violently when Neil brought his hands down on his shoulders.

"You're right Todd," Neil said, shaking his friend slightly to emphasize his point. Todd slumped over, defeated. "You're a complete and utter idiot."

Todd's head snapped up as he gaped at Neil with a shocked expression. Neil smiled happily before pulling Todd into a hug. Neil felt Todd hesitant before wrapping his own arms around him. Neil laughed as a tidal wave of emotions overtook him. Relief, joy, and disbelief came tumbling out of him in the form of delirious giggles. Todd pulled away and glanced at Neil warily. Neil just gave his friend a beaming smile, and slowly, Todd began to smile back.

Yes, things were beginning to look up.

The others were delighted to see that they had made up. Charlie the most enthusiastic of them all. Mr. Keating even gave them both a kind, knowing smile.

Things were gradually getting back to the way they used to be between the two of them. Neil and Todd walked together to class once more, eat together, study together. Todd even began to come back to their meetings, but something lingered in the air between them. A tension that never went away. Neil would find himself staring at Todd, watching him. He felt that sometimes it was all a dream. That he'd wake up and Todd would be still be ignoring him or staying in Charlie's room. The thought of that night caused Neil's hands to curl instinctively as anger washed over him. Todd had run to Charlie. Confined in him. Although Neil felt mostly contempt when he saw Charlie, he was also grateful. Whatever went on between the two of them that night caused Todd to come back to him.

Despite their makeup, Neil would sit up at night thinking about it. He was plagued by dreams where Todd would leave him again. Todd would close himself off and disappear as if he was a ghost. This was one of those many nights where Neil couldn't sleep. Instead, he sat by the open window as the cold air whipped through their room. Neil sighed as he gazed out into the darkness, his mind much further away.

"What are you doing?" Todd slurred sleepily.

Neil didn't answer. He felt Todd's confused eyes studying him, but he couldn't bring himself to assure his friend that he was alright. Instead, the question that has been haunting him for several nights now came slipping out.

"We're okay now right? You aren't going to pull another act like that again on me? Because to be honest, I'm not sure--"

"Neil," Todd interpreted, fully awake now. "I know what I did was awful, but I promise I won't do that again."

"Why did you do it?"

Todd didn't answer but got up out of his bed to stand beside Neil. Neil felt his heart pounding in his chest as he waited for his friend to answer. Despite his eagerness, Neil was also afraid of what he would say. However, Todd never did speak. Todd only grazed his fingers gingerly over Neil's before intertwining their hands together. Neil let out a large breath he hadn't even noticed he'd been holding as Todd gently squeezed his hand.

The action spoke louder than words ever could.