K I N G

s e v e n t e e n

oriflamme
noun
a symbol or standard that inspires confidence, devotion, or courage

Todd's POV
Todd couldn't breathe. He knew what Neil had done yet he couldn't comprehend it. Todd stared bewildered at his friend as he tried to make sense of everything. Neil had just kissed Todd. Albeit, it had been a small one on the corner of his mouth but didn't that still count? After months of pinning and self-hate about his feelings for Neil, Todd never had dreamed his friend could feel the same. It felt all like a dream. Like he'd open his eyes and everything between them would disappear. Todd shivered as a cold gust of wind torn through him, unsuccessfully waking him up.

So this can't be a dream afterall, Todd thought with hope sparking inside of him.

But could it be a joke? Was Neil mocking him? Seeing Neil's strickened face, Todd decided to banish those thoughts. Neil would never be so cruel, especially not to him.

Neil ran shaking fingers through his hair and began to pace.

"Geez Todd, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me," Neil laughed nervously, his tone extremely distressed.

"No--"

Neil cut him off.

"You were upset. I wanted to cheer you up. There's nothing wrong with that, right?" Neil sounded as if he was trying to convince himself more than Todd. "It was just a little kiss. Girls do it all the time, why can't we?"

"Neil--"

"You know we should--"

Todd couldn't take anymore of this. Grasping Neil's jaw tightly, the blonde leaned in and swallowed all of his friend's worries. It was an innocent gesture, merely two lips touching. Todd pulled away slowly, unwilling to end this moment. A soft smacking sound cut through the air as Todd had accidentally suctioned Neil's top lip between his own. Blue melded with brown as Todd hesitantly meet Neil's eyes. Neil gazed down at the blonde with a mixture of awe and disbelief. Todd no doubt mirrored his friend's bewilderment. What a night this turned into.

"W-what do we do now?" Todd wondered aloud.

Neil laughed. His eyes no longer held the crippling weight from before; they were lightened with a youthfulness that belong in Neil's life. "I don't know."

That single sentence was spoken with such delight, that Todd couldn't help but join in on Neil's laughter. Their laughter echoed throughout the empty halls of Welton as they headed back to their room. Todd felt he was walking on air when Neil intertwined their hands together.

Back in the dorm, they pulled the blankets from their beds and made a pallet on the floor. Side-by-side they laid facing each other, stroking cheeks and lightly kissing any skin they could reach. It was surreal. Todd always felt tortured whenever he imagined this moment. They weren't supposed to be doing this. These feelings would not be met with acceptance nor understanding. But touching Neil now, basking in the feeling of him being so close, Todd felt he could take it. Neil gave him strength he didn't know he possessed. The strength to face the unimaginable.

"Neil...what are we going to do? I don't want something bad to happen to you."

"You're worried about me?" Neil asked exasperated. Abruptly, he sat up and carted his fingers roughly through his hair.

Todd frowned and mentally kicked himself. Leave it up to him to ruin the mood. "I--"

"Don't you ever worry about yourself?"

"Huh?"

"Yourself Todd. Do you ever think about making yourself happy? Do you ever not worry about pleasing others?"

Todd itched with ire. He felt confused and angry at Neil's obvious frustration with him. What had he done wrong? Then his irritation deflated and in its place Todd felt sad. He had ruined whatever had formed between himself and Neil. He shredded it with his own stupidity. Todd pulled away from Neil and began to stand, he stopped when he felt Neil grip tightly onto his wrist.

"Where are you going?" Neil breathed quietly.

Todd swallowed hard. "I'm going to bed."

Neil sighed and uttered an oath. "Don't you see how you're special too?"

Todd felt he was going to get whiplash from Neil's conflicting emotions. "What are you talking about? Just a minute ago you were angry at me, and now you're asking me why I don't think I'm special?"

"I'm not angry at you! I'm angry for you. Todd you're special too. You mean something to people. Why can't you see it?"

When was I supposed to? Todd thought venomously as memories of his parents and peers choosing his brother over him. When was I shown I was important too?

Yet, wasn't that was Neil was trying to do? Show Todd how he was special too? Todd shook his head and kissed Neil's hand in thanks. Perhaps this was why he felt he needed Neil so badly.

Neil helped Todd remember that he was special too.