drugs | zanvis

O N E

"AD·DIC·TION"
noun

the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity

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trigger warnings for this chapter:
allusions to self harm,
self deprecation
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zane could hear the distinctive hack! of a knife coming from below him.

mother must be cooking, he thought.

he heard it again. and then twice. three times now.

his hands began to shake, so he instinctively grabbed his ear buds and slipped one into each ear. he quickly scrolled and found a random song, (twenty one pilots, he believed) and turned the volume to the highest setting.

he was reminded quickly that the pair he was using were absolute trash, and he could still hear the noise. he closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the song.

tell our dad, "i'm sorry"
you're an angel.

hack.

zane's eyebrows furrowed anxiously. he pulls off his mask.

hack.

he rips his ear buds out and places both hands on his ears.

hack.

he pushes his palms harder down.

"stop it!" he yells.

his door flew open.

"baby brother?" said a pitying garroth.

zane hurriedly grabbed his mask and slipped it back on. then came his anger. "what do you want?" he sneered.

garroth looked the same every time. offended. zane told himself he didn't feel guilty. it didn't work.

"mother wants you." he said, scurrying off.

he smoothed a hair through his hair with a sigh, and stood up from his bed. he turned down the hall and ran down the stairs. when he came upon the kitchen, he glanced over to see his mother humming a tune and running around the kitchen. the corners of his mouth turned up a bit from under his mask.

his mother finally noticed him. she smiled. "Zu-Zu!"

he let out a groan and made his way towards her. "I told you to stop calling me that!"

her expression didn't falter. she seemed to smile brighter. "Zu-Zu, I made ham!"

zane rolled his eyes in his usual fashion. "great," he said sarcastically.

"dinner will be done in ten! wash up!"

he guessed that's all she needed to say, so he just replied "sure" and fled back up to his room.

he figured he had some time to kill, so he grabbed his phone as texted aphmau. maybe she wanted to get online with him. and, while he would never admit it, she made him feel better.

hey aph, you free to play something?

his phone sent a ping almost immediately.

srry, w/h aaron. maybe another time?

he sighed, and typed out:

okay

she didn't respond back, and zane expected that. he was fine with that.

Don't fool yourself.

go away, zane said.

She has a boyfriend now. She doesn't need you.

leave me alone

I'm you, idiot. I can't go anywhere.

i wouldn't say those things. aphmau is my best friend. she won't forget me

the voice laughs. You're just convincing yourself that. You know what they really think.

that's where you lose, zane retorts, i know i'm a freak. you don't have to remind me

Whatever, it spits, just remember this when they leave you forever.

they won't, zane says, and then the voice is gone.

"they won't," zane repeats to himself aloud.

his heart skips a beat, and then he's scared.

because he doesn't feel at all convinced.

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