Fangirl Alternative Ending

Cather

Cath fell between his knees and hugged him.

"I can't believe I said that," he said. "I can't even go nine hours without seeing you."

"No, you're right," Cath said. "I've been acting crazy. This whole thing is crazy. It isn't even real."

"That's not what I meant—it is real. You have to finish."

"Yeah," she said, kissing his chin, trying to remember where she'd left off. "But not today. You were right. There's time. They'll wait for me."

Rowell, Rainbow. "Chapter 36." Fangirl. New York, NY: St. Martin's Griffin, 2013. N. pag. Print.

***

Levi left her room a couple hours later. She had promised him she would go right to sleep, but she couldn't. She meant what she said to Levi, but she still had to finish. Her fiction-writing project would have to wait.

Cath opened her laptop and reread the last chapter of Carry On that she had written. Everything sounded sloppy, like she was in a race she hadn't trained for. She didn't look at the numbers, she knew they were crazy off the charts but she could not be distracted. She started typing, the words came slowly at first, but soon were flowing easily from her fingers.

She posted three chapters in a row, and finally shut her laptop. Her phone buzzed and she looked down, it was from Levi.

Nice chapters in Carry On, but I thought you were going to bed.

She smiled and decided to wait to respond until morning.

***

When she woke up, Reagan's bunk was still empty. She must of stayed out late and not come back, again. Cath knew she had to do her fiction-writing project today. She had to keep her scholarship. And, if she was honest with herself, she didn't want to fail. Professor Piper had given her a second chance, and part of Cath wanted to honor that. Most of her wanted to be with Simon and Baz. Wanted to finish their story, before GTL did it in her own way.

Sighing, she opened her laptop and stared at a blank document.

My mom never really wanted to leave us. But she did.

No, that was too close to real life. She could not write about her life, it was the one thing she had never been able to do throughout school. Her English teachers would always frown in disappointment as they passed back her sloppy personal narrative. Compared to her fiction writing, her fanfiction writing, they could not comprehend how she was incapable of writing her own life. She could make things happen to her characters, create tragedies and love stories. Her own life, however, was too painful to write about.

Professor Piper's words from weeks ago came back to her. "Maybe for this story you could start with something real. With one day from your life. Something that confused or intrigued you, something you want to explore. Start there and see what happens. You can keep it true, or you can let it turn into something else—you can add magic—but give yourself a starting point. (Rowell)"

All she had to do was finish the project. Cath squeezed her eyes shut, sometimes is good to try something new.

My mom never really wanted to leave us. But she did. I may never understand why she thought she had to, but maybe someday I will learn to forgive. Cather and Wren, those were the names she chose for the children she would someday leave. Twins, who would have no one to help them, except their loving but mentally incompetent father.

People always ask me if I miss her. I tell them I don't. What I miss is the concept of a mother, the idea that someone can love unconditionally and guide you through life. Wren and I had to do the best we could for each other.

As she wrote it got a little bit easier, not a lot, but a little. She finally reached the end, telling a story that had started as her own life, and then evolved into so much more. It wasn't something she would ever do again--it had hurt too much--but finishing left her relieved, and elated.

Cath plugged in her dead phone and waited for it to turn back on. She had 5 new messages from Levi, but she didn't read any of them. Instead, she grabbed her coat and walked outside. The walk to Starbucks wasn't terrible, but it took her a good half an hour.

When she walked in, Levi was standing behind the counter serving an older lady. He listened closely

to what she said and then gave her one of his award winning smiles. Which, of course made Cath smile. How had she gotten so lucky?

When Levi saw her, his entire face lit up.

"Hey Cather, what happened to going right to bed?"

"Simon and Baz happened." She said with a smile.

He laughed and shook his head. "So what can I get for you today?"

"Surprise me." Cath smiled.

"Then don't watch! Go sit down, Cather."

Cath walked over to a table and plugged in her laptop. She still had nine days to finish but she wanted to finish today. The words came easily today. Simon and Baz may have not been her characters, but she understood them so well. The ending to their story slowly took shape.

By the time Levi brought her drink, she was so far immersed in the World of the Mages that she didn't thank him or even acknowledge him. She took a sip and kept writing. Levi had work all day, and she planned to stay and write.

At one point, she had to stop and slow down. Cath was writing all her characters too sarcastic, too uncaring. She went back and made a couple changes before plowing forward.

She ate barely anything that day, only what Levi forced her too. But she wrote more than she had since high school, when she and Wren used to stay up until four in the morning writing.

Finally, at eight o'clock that night, she finished. She finished the story of Simon and Baz, she finished their time at Watford, she finished Carry On. In her mind, she finished the only thing she had ever worked this hard on, the only thing she had spent years pouring her soul into.

Cath started crying, she didn't know what to do next. Through her tears, she posted all of the chapters except the very last one. Levi came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

"I finished." She whispered.

***

Hey guys! I finished Carry On, Simon. I want to thank everyone, because I really could not have done it without you. I want to thank all the people who commented and liked my work. Everyone who messaged me and told me what they thought. I want to thank @wrenegade for being my biggest supporter. I hope you guys enjoy the final chapter of Carry On. I know that GTL will release the eighth book soon and I am beyond excited. Hopefully Carry On can still have its place. Thank you all so much!

-Magicath