Identical Sins (Short Story Challenge)

IV

3 months ago

"I promise Ima pay you back girl." My sister Nina covered my hand with hers as I handed her my food stamp card. "I just need to get me a little groceries. You know I don't get my stamps til next week. I got you though."

"Now you know you ain't got to worry about it." I wave her off. I was just glad to be able to help. Thank the government for food stamps I guess.

Nina usually looked out for me on grocery from time to time. Now that her sons father was in jail things had become tight for her. I could definitely relate to that. She worked part time at a convenience store.

I was working as many shifts as I could pick up as a waitress. What I brought home in tips was barely enough to make rent and keep the lights on, let alone afford a sitter for my daughter Layla. There was just too much month at the end of my money.

Lola had decided it was more beneficial to quit working all together. I was almost thinking the same but Layla's dad was not even close to being in the picture and had never even laid eyes on her.

A three night stand in college had lead to the best and worst times of my life. Finding out I was pregnant sent my life into a tailspin. I remember the look on Nicolas's face when I told him I was pregnant.

Nicolas was the handsome building RA, whom I had casually returned flirts and lustful glances with for the first semester of college. After returning from winter break he had helped me with my things a couple times. As he brought up my grocery late one evening, we gave in to our impulses and had sex right on my computer desk. It was the most daring thing I had ever done. It was cool though. He was nice enough.

"I'm late Nick." I mumbled nervously as I rose up on my elbows and pulled his sheets over my orange sized breast. Modest despite the fact that he had just hours ago seen all of me exposed.

"Alright well hurry. I'll see you later." He grumbled.

"Not that. Late, late." I said as he lay silently. My breathing got shallow as I listened for his reaction. "Nick." I called after he didn't respond.

"What!" He snapped.

"I think I'm pregnant." I said sheepishly.

"Its probably just stress or whatever. Just take a test to be sure." He rolled over snatching the covers over his shoulder.

I crawled from the bed and slipped my clothes back on. I tiptoed back to my room and decided to walk to a store near campus after class to get a test.

The second pink line appeared as the test strip became saturated with my pee.  I had purchased two tests but I knew they both would bear the same result. I was pregnant. The last thing I wanted for myself right now.

I walked down to the RA desk where Nick and a light skinned girl were both sitting. As I was approaching the girl walked off. A few people knew that Nick and I had something going on. I could tell she was giving us some space.

"Can I talk to you?" I ask.

"I'm working right now Ma." He blew me off.

"When then?"

"Later." He answered dryly.

"Why you acting like this?" I asked weakly.

"I'm busy. I said I'll talk to you later." He shrugged.

Enraged, I stormed away from the desk. Once in my room I retrieved both positive tests from the wastebasket in my shared bathroom. I marched back downstairs to where Lightskin was sitting perched on the desk. Nick was over in the common area talking to a few other guys. I walked up to him pushed the urine soaked test into his hand and strolled away casually. 

If he wanted to do everything on his terms that was fine. He wouldn't ignore the facts though. I wasn't about to be the only one worried sick.

Two whole days later a light rap caused my roommate to hop up and flit over to the door.
"Oh hey Nick!" Her cheerful ass sang.

"What's up?" He spoke. "What's up?" He said again this time directed at me.

"Nun." I mumbled.

"Let me talk to ya." He told me.

"Naw I'm busy right now. Let me talk to you later." I shooed him with my hand.

"You ain't doing nothing. Man I really was busy." He sighed. "Come on. We can talk in my room."

I got up and followed him not knowing what he wanted to say. Or what I had planned to say two days ago for that matter. After he closed his room door I stood with my arms folded as he plopped on his bed.

"So you sure you pregnant?" Nick asked. His thick eyebrows raised.

"I took two tests but I ain't been to the doctor or nothin." I shrug.

"How far you is?" He asked.

"I don't even know. I only missed one period."

"Why you looking so mean?" He quizzed. "Sit down." He patted the spot on the bed next to him.

Unfolding my arms, I apprehensively sat next to him. "Look I really don't want no kid right now." He blurted.

Tears streamed down my face, not from disappointment in his words but from dismay. How did I get myself in this position? "You wasn't fuckin with no one else?" He wondered aloud.

"No." I answered flatly.

"Shit." He said in a low roar before running his hands over his face.

"I know." I shook my head. The last thing I needed was a baby. My sister and I pretty much only had each other. She already had a son. Me getting an education was for both of us. I planned on getting us out of our neighborhood after getting a good job and getting on my feet.

"I can't have no damn baby." Nick said after a moment of silence. "I'm sorry but I can't." He repeated.

"I don't want one either." I agreed.

"Well why the hell aren't you on birth control or something?" He drilled.

"Why you didn't you wear a condom?" I snapped.

"Cause I thought your ass might be on birth control." He snapped.
I couldn't believe his audacity. I wasn't alone in this. I jumped up preparing to take off out of the room when he grabbed my arm.

"Look I ain't have no rubber the first time and I really got caught up in the moment just like yo ass did. After that it wasn't no turning back." He shrugged.

"I'm not trying to blame you." I told him.

"What you gone do?" He asked. "I can't take care of no baby."

"Hell me either." I said.

"So what you gone do?" He repeated.

"I don't know." I shrug. I didn't have many options. Really no options. I was pretty much broke.

"Do you want to get rid of it?" He finally came out and asked.

"I don't have no money." I answer.

"I don't either. I might be able to come up with most of it." He adds.

"Let me know I guess." I said as I stood up and headed for the door. That was one of the last times I saw Layla's daddy.

Nick came up with the money but as I sat in the lobby of the clinic I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't kill my innocent baby. My first instinct was to call Nina and let her know what had gone on.

After getting advice from her I had to make the call to Nick. When I let Nick know my decision he simply ended the call. Later that evening I tried calling him and his number was changed. A couple weeks of not seeing him went by before I began to ask around. I was shocked to find out that he had withdrawn from school.

At spring break, I packed my things and left never to return. Nina and one of her homegirls from our neighborhood picked me up. My baby girl was born almost 6 months later. The first time I saw her beautiful brown eyes seemed to make it all worth it.