Disclaimer: is a story between a spider and a housefly, both have gone through breakups and need condolences..
The slight wind swinging my web is reminding me of him. That douchebag who ran away with that bitch black widow!
I mean, okay i might not hold the power to kill actual big animals along the food chain, but c'mon! Look at my pretty web, its beautiful! He used to tell me that as well. I mean i don't need s stupid bucket full of venom! Flies from all around come get stuck here as it is!
Besides! She's humongous for him! I mean he's just a tiny little ass!
She's a fricking black widow! She'll eat him alive! Wait, that's why she's called a black widow. I mean okay, that's sort of very racist, but what else do you ecpect, humans name us, and everyone knows they're stupid! Well now we know someone else who's complete bonkers, my filthy ex! I mean come ON! You just want a bigger lady spider, doesn't even matter if she'll eat you alive after hooking up for once! That's basically why she let you in her cave!
YES! she's so huge, she lives in a cave and not on a web! Damn, I've been dating an empty headed libido crazy good for nothing for so long! I can't believe i wasted 5 days out of my total 14 in life on him!!! Damn! Serves him right, he'll be dead before me! Huh, dating a high maintaining bitch!
Wait, there's some movement on my web, i guess another dumb bee has found its way in my net, well good news for you peabrains, well, actually peas are bigger than them, so idk, these nut jobs are so fricking small, i don't even know how to insult them!
I must let it go before it rips my lovely swishy web in two. "HEY SORRY ASS, STOP MOVING!" Oh no i think i gave it the wrong idea! Its struggling even worse now!
"OI, I'M NOT GONNA EAT YOU! IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY! STOP MOVING OR I'LL DEFINITELY RIP YOU TO SHREDS!" Lets calm him down.
And whoa, is he a depressing fly, yeah, its a he. RIght now, i feel like ripping its him parts and making it pay as his sex has wasted the best days of my two week life!
It has completely stopped moving and looks kinda like miserable while I'm freeing him! What's up with males this spring! Get your lives together sorry asses!
"Don't let me free, eat me." He said as a huge tear drop landed on the ground below from his mozaic eyes. Wait what? A dumb fly with a death wish?!
"Oh shut up, enjoy how many days you have left out of the 7 you were originally supposed to live!" I felt bad for him so I'm kinda cheering him up! How kind am i!
"No, really, the fly of my dream already had eggs with my best friend and is about to die! I don't have a life anymore! I'm alone and heartbroken... i just want it to end, i can't bear to live long enough to see their larvae hatch and call me uncle sorrow!" Another huge tear fell from his compound eye.
Ohhh so that's the story....
Guess love is being slaughter everywhere this season... *sigh*
Still trapped in my web, he has stopped struggling "so like you got dumped... but i guess you had it worse, i mean the first thing that indicated your dumping were the eggs of your most loved ones.." I'm kinda making this chain of events for myself, out loud.
"YOU DON'T HAVE TO RUB IT IN MY FACE!" Guess I hit a nerve there...
I've never had a meal scream at me before, maybe he really is hurt.
"So, I'm sort of letting you go, 'cause I'm a good predator, or a bad, I'm really not sure right now..." mumbling the last part to myself, "so yeah, go on, life the rest of your... 2-" he gave me that 'Really?! Now?!' Look "3 days peacefully.."
"Stop making fun of me and just eat me already, you'll have a good meal and I'll be liberated of my misery!" He kinda sounds like eating him would be like doing a favour to him but guess what i don't need anymore sorrow inside of me, uncle or not...
"You see Romeo, my Juliet, well a guy Juliet ran away with another lady spider too, and i don't feel like eating anything, so live your pathetic 3 days miserably! " yeah I heard a teenage couple discussing this tale about some Romeo and Juliet under the tree while scraping their names on its bark and eating each other's faces, that's how me and that douchebag of my boyfriend got the idea to date, we used to live in this very tree...
"ARE YOU KIDING ME?!" I swear, if he screams one more time, I'll kill him, no matter what! "For once a lunch is telling you to eat it and you're saying no!"
"Yes," and I freed his moping ass.
"Well I refuse to go!" And he kept flying by my eye level.
"You know, I'm not hungry now, but I will be eventually!" Kinda forgetting his point of being so near me.
"Bingo!"
"Oh alright! Since you'll not go, lets hear how did you get dumped!" I need to kill time... however less I have.
"I'm not comfortable reliving it all.." he says while rubbing those front hand feet things of his.
"Oh c'mon, it's not like you have forever to relive it, just get on with it!" I say.
"Well, b1 was my best friend, fg, my girl friend, has apparently had a crush on him, b1 realised he only had a day to live, and now she's the mother of his 100 children!" He's kind of a shitty story teller. Maybe he told her a story and she felt like getting back at him for wasting the precious... seconds of her life.
"You're annoying, you know that?" I say, truthfully.
"And you're a shitty predator!" He retort.
"Did you tell her a story of some sort before she hooked up with b1?" I asked, ignoring the insult that should've offended me.
"Ofcourse I did! She was my girlfriend! I used to tell her everything every day!!" Yikes!
"I don't blame her..." again, truthfully.
"You know, you're kinda torturing me more by not eating me... stop being stupid and eat me!" He said.
"Well, love does make you stupid. Yes another shitty line from those filthy humans!" I cleared my references up as i said them.
"You're an interesting spider! Interesting, but stupid. I don't blame your ex. " He he declared shamelessly.
"Well, you're making it pretty tough to not kill you. Dumb bee!" I exclaimed, exasperated.
The started sinking low and as the evening unfolded, that dumb bee started to get droopy.
"Oi, you! Sad bee! Keep talking, you were supposed to keep me conpany in this sad time of ours!" I tried keeping myself entertained.
"Hey! Make no mistake, we're not the best of chums! You aren't eating me and well, to be honest, I'm kinda over my girlfriend. Huh perks of having a short life!" He declared.
"Idiot fly, I'm not devouring you today, but tomorrow i might get hungry! You sure you wanna stick around?" I made him realise the gravity of his surroundings.
"Yeah, you're not a bad spider on the inside." He's, complementing me? What?!
And before i could get over my shock at the wildness of this day, he was deep in slumber, stuck on my net once again.
He lived for 2 and a half more days after our encounter while which we enjoyed hunting many other of his kind. I don't get it either, he was a weird little sadist company i had. I ate him after he died as per our foodchain pact, which was a weird thing he made me have. I never dated another spider ass. Single and free baby, and its almost time for the demise of a legendary journey that was my two week life. It was weird, but it was fun. I'm glad for it all.
