Not Gonna Die On My Knees (A Josh Franceschi Fanfiction)

Chapter 32

A/N: Oh my god, I miss you guys and I miss this story. I'm so sorry I'm so shit at updating, but here's a chapter for you. Enjoy!

Chapter 32

I was startled when I woke in my old room.

I bolted upright in a sitting position, still half asleep. Something heavy pulled me back down, and a sweet kiss was placed under my ear. Shivers tickled over my skin, down the length of my body.

'You're okay,' he mumbled, sleep in his voice.

I sighed and ran my fingers through his hair as he nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck. He had his arm wrapped tightly around my waist. He placed a languid kiss in the hollow of my neck and breathed me in.

'Nightmare?' he asked, his voice gruff. His morning voice was easily my favourite sound, but it wasn't enough to erase the melancholy mood I'd woken in.

'Just disturbed at waking up here.'

He held me a little tighter. 'I'm here with you.'

'Thank fuck,' I said, and he chuckled.

'Such salty language in the morning, my dear,' he said, grinning. I forced a smile, not really feeling the banter today. 'What's going on in that head of yours?' he asked, serious.

I stared at the ceiling and let myself acknowledge the dark hole in my chest. A hole the anti-depressants would never cure or eradicate completely. 

'Nothing, just ...' I kept my eyes trained on the lines in the ceiling, trying to stay composed.

'Just what?' His voice had gone soft, which was enough to make my vision blur. A lone tear trickled from the outer corner of my eye and made a wet path as it trailed down to my ear.

He leant closer and kissed it away.

'Off day?' he whispered against my temple. I bit my lower lip and nodded, swallowing a sob. His hand brushed up my arm and landed on my neck, his thumb tracing circles over my skin. 'Do you want to be alone?'

I shook my head and held onto his arm.

'What do you need?' he asked, voice smooth and gentle.

'Hug,' I whispered.

He pulled me onto my side and into his chest. I hid my face where his neck met his shoulder and breathed him in as he held me protectively.

His hugs were safety.

We stayed that way for a while, until my arm went numb underneath him.

When we pulled back we stayed on our sides, close enough for our breaths to mingle. He was searching my face, so I fixed my eyes on his chin.

'Do you want to talk?' He ran his fingers comfortingly through my hair.

'Clara kept telling me something in her sessions I haven't been able to shake,' I said, the admittance surprising the both of us. He remained silent, though I could feel his eyes branding questions into my skin. 'Go back to the place of the crime.'

He tensed as he mulled over the words.

'To Ben's house?' he asked.

'And the woods,' I nodded.

'And what do you want?'

I searched his face and found only support. 'At first I hated the idea.'

'And now?'

'Still hate it.'

'But?'

I sighed. 'But I keep wondering if it might help. It's going to suck doing it, but you know, maybe after I'll feel ... relieved?'