Just Friends

Chapter Thirty One

'Maybe everything was meant to be this way.'

Chapter Thirty One

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In this moment, I don't know who to believe in, what to believe in,Because I can't even believe in myself anymore. I don't believe that I can make things right again; make it better.

I want to go back to the time where we were all fine and happy. When was that? I can't seem to remember.

I'm too busy thinking of how stupid I am.

Kissing Harry the other day was one of the most eye opening things that has happened to me. I don't know what I realized, or what I suddenly found out.

But there's something inside that I can't quite put my finger on. It's like there's something burnt in the back of my mind, suddenly gaining new powers to recollect itself.

And I'm scared. I'm scared that if that something goes rising up again, I wouldn't be able to handle it well.

Once, a friend told me "Life isn't easy anymore." she was going through a heartbreak. It was her first boyfriend.

I don't know how I came up with my answer, and where I got it from. But it somehow slipped unconciously out of my mouth. "It never was.." She stared at me after the words were left there to be approached. I soon took her hand to atleast calm her uneasy mind. She's confused, shattered, broken.

"But some people can make it bearable." I added.

She looked up at me and said, "But now that he's gone, I can't seem to see the beauty in life. He made me feel special and made me see the beauty in things." She cried.

"Everyday is beautiful if you choose to see it." she tried to send me a weak smile after I have said my hopefully inspiring sentence. I looked at the children playing in the park, watching them be happy, no worries.

"But right now, I can't really help but feel broken. He told me I wasn't good enough, Al. What kind of guy says that to a girl? I regret loving him!" she sobbed.

"You are more lovely that you could ever imagine. And you know, you should never regret something that once made you smile." I smiled at her. "And I know for sure, Dan made you happy." I added.

"And if you're broken, feeling shattered, or whatever; just let it out. You can't erase that. It's a part of this. See it as a good thing. A life lesson. But remember that pain is inevitable, and suffering is optional."

"I don't know what to do!" she groaned. "Like my father always told me, When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or let it strengthen you." I smiled.

That friend of mine was named, Lucy. She was once a great friend, but somehow got on the wrong path on the way. I used to spend a lot of tim with her and we'd always talk about going places and living the dream together.

I thought we were going to do as planned. But yesterday, we both have finally decided it's time to end the journey together and live our lives apart.

I guess that's what you do in the end of things. You start thinking about the beggining. Then it gets you all fucked up and mental.

I was startled out of my thought when the annoying sound of the kettle went off. I instantaneously got off the stool and turned off the stove. "Good morning!" Harry cheerfully greeted as he entered the kitchen.

"Morning." I awkwardly smiled.

He made his way to the coffee maker but I stopped him "Uh, the coffee maker's broken. You can just have the left over hot water from the kettle." I said before walking away.

"Hye, where are you going? I can cook breakfast if you want."

"Uhm--Uh I'll just go upstairs and might just go out for breakfast. Kay bye." I lifted my small hand for a quick wave.

"God damn it Aly! Why are you being so distant lately?" I groaned, stopping me from walking any further.

"What are you talking about?" I acted innocent to avoid the awkwardness that's starting to grow together with the tension.

"I can see it in you! it's obvious you're trying to stay away from me! God, can't you see I'm trying so hard to prove to you that I can be the person you used to know and love? But what's the use if you're not even going to try with me? I can't do this alone Aleanna. I need your cooperation. And if you don't want me to do this anymore, might as well just say it so I won't bother anymore!" he raised his voice, his breathing growing faster and heavier.

"You can't always see what people are going through, Harry. Some people are good at hiding things. And apparently, I'm going through hell right now and I need a break from everything." I felt my voice weaken.

"I told you that we can fix this Aly.  I can't understand you! Why are you being like this?"

"There's always a story behind every person, Harry. There's always a reason why they are being who they are. They aren't just like that because they want to. Something in the past created them to be this way, and sometimes its impossible to fix."

"I know, Aly. But nothing is impossible. You just need to see that things can be perfect again."

I sighed, "You see, that's it. That's what messe us all crazy asses the most. Because we all have this picture in our minds of how things are supposed to be perfect. Well, guess what?! Nothing's perfect. Once someone's broken, they can never be perfect again!

..Like a broken vase for example. When it's shattered and you glue it all back up, sometimes there will still be missing pieces. It can be formed again but you can still see the scars and craks from it's past. Now if you'd let me leave, you'd stay at peace. Maybe I can't be fixed anymore. Maybe this can't be fixed anymore. Maybe the right thing to do is to stay away." I spoke.

"Why are you being to negative? This isn't the Aly I used to know. You were the optimist before I left you, not this pessimist in front of me. Why?" Harry uttered.

"Because you left." I finally said.

"And now it's my turn to leave." I turned around to leave but strong arms grabbed my wrist, pulling me close to his chest.

"We both know that it's because of the kiss we shared. I saw it in you. You still feel something for me, Aly. Please I beg you, say it right now before I give up." he cried.

"You know that I've always loved you. But right now, I have to take a break. I'm sorry." I slipped away from his hold and made my way upstairs to pack my things.

But when I opened the door to my room, I saw Zayn sitting on my bed. He stood up and when he lifted his head up, his eyes were red and puffy. He had been crying.

I instantly knew what the reason was.

he heard my conversation with Harry.

"I love you Aly." i stood there speechless. This was the first time he had said he loved me personally.

"I-I--" I stuttered.

I took a deep breath and started to talk. "Zayn, Look, I--"

"We both love you so much and I didn't want to have to do this, but you have to choose. Me or Harry?"

I stayed quiet.

I took his hand and he started crying. He knew the answer. He wrapped his arms around me and pecked me on the lips.

I then realized I started crying too.

"I'd miss those lips. He loves you so much. Don't et him slip away ever again, okay? Thank you, Aly."

"I hope you'd stay happy with him." Zayn smiled as he exited the room, leaving me in tears.

I need a break!

I placked my things and head off to my apartment. It was only a one hour drive but it felt like five.

Maybe this is the right thing to do.