Please dont go

HOME...

Hey guys its Tyarna just wanted to let you know before you start reading that this story contains strong details of self harm. If this sets of a trigger from the past or something i strongly suggest you stop reading because it gets into it pretty quickly

Love Tyarna

IDRION
I sat at starbucks in the corner with my earphones blasting
This song is perfect for the moment
'Sitting in the corner of the room
Everythings reminding me of you
Nursing an empty bottle and telling myself you're happier
Aren't you'
Except I'm staring at the fourth empty coffee cup in my hand in the last half hour.

I pay for them and begin to walk out when i see her. Her little black beenie and my P!ATD jumper around her waist.
She looks up from her cup and freezes, staring at me for a second until she finally realizes what she's doing and continues to drink...looking at me every now and then as i still stare contently at the beautiful features of her face.

I pull out the chair opposite her and look at her some more.
Everyone probably thinks im the creepiest man alive....but i dont care...i need answers.
I grab her coffee and place it gently on the table

'Please tell me why.'

'Theres nothing to tell...not a thing'

I could feel the tears as i saw hers climbing up.
I lowered my voice even more so that it was a mere whisper.

'I can't live like this just come home please'

'I'll come home to get my stuff and explain but i can't promise I'll stay'
That was good enough for me and without another word we left.

We arrived home and she grabbed a change of clothes,had a shower and sat on the couch.

'Im listening'

'Look,

She said with pain in her eyes

'I know i hurt you and i know i hurt myself and you did absolutely nothing to me so dont blame yourself but its just....'

'WHAT IS THAT?!'

she quickly pulled the sleeve of her jumper back down after it fell when she raised a cup to her lips.
'Ummm....its nothing'
'Yes it is why are you doing that i thought you were happy do i not make you happy whos upsetting you please tell me whats going on i cant...i cant live without you'

'IDRION... dont worry i'

'DONT TELL ME NOT TO WORRY OF COURSE IM GOING TO WORRY PLEASE .... please stay...stay home i can help you we can get through this please....stay...please come home'

'I'll stay the night and we'll see how it goes ok?'

'Alright'

So she did. It felt so good to have her again...to hold her in OUR bed and to be able to sleep again knowing that when i wake up she'll be there.

****next day****

I wake up and grip her waist tighter and she lets out a sigh of distant relief aswell as hints of sadness and fear.

'You don't have to leave you know'
I whisper almost inaudibly

''You can come back you can stay'

'I'll try but i don'twant you to see me like this.'

'I dont care how you are or what you do because i love you anyway and i will help you its a promise ok?'

'I'm gonna go have a shower'

She got up and walked away as i watched, so content and i listened as she turned on the shower and i listened for water hitting her skin but all i heard was wincing and crying.

I walk into the bathroom slowly and quietly as i see her with the razor from her shaving razor.

'NOOOOO!!!'

I grab the razor from her hand and put a cloth from the counter on her wrist. I strip her naked and push her gently towards the shower, which was still running from when she turned it on before.
I wash her body and her arm gently as she winces in pain, tears and shower water running down her face. I want to ask so many questions but i bite my tongue and wait

Shes gone through enough already.

I hold her even though i am wearing clothes and they're getting soaked i dont care. I don't care because i will do anything for her.

''Do you need to talk'

She nodded her head and i turned off the shower. I brought her to the room again and grabbed out a jumper and some underwear.
She held up her hands so i could slip the jumper over her head and she lifted one leg after the other as i pull up her underwear.

'Thank you'

'For?'

'For being there for me. I dont know what i wouldve done then and how your face would change the moment you saw me, but the way you looked at me when you saw what i was doing the way you took control i- I'm so glad you came in."
She was crying even more now and she didn't hide it like she used to.

She held my hand. I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her onto my lap, wrapping her in my embrace as she sobs on my shoulder. My shirt was even more soaked then when i was in the shower but i wasnt thinking and i just jumped in. Also it wouldn't feel appropriateto just jump in the shower with her after three months of not speaking.

I dont know whats going on with her but I'm gonna find out because i know she can't live like this anymore and i cant see her like this anymore.