Please dont go

I PLAYED MY VIOLIN...

BLAKE
The first time i did it it was like i had a bow made of metal and i played my skin softly. But as i played, the music that poured out was bleeding with sadness and pain. It to me was a beautiful song that others felt was wrong. Life was twisted as much as it was beautiful...just like my song...

I have been doing it since. It took my mind off of the pain of my emotions and i didn't want Idrion to see me like this so i did what anyone would do...i think...i left and i didnt explain why. I thought it was the perfect way to go. Without having to hurt him or having to have him there when i did it. It would be easier to do it when he hated me but something was stopping me from doing it every time i got close. Like something tugging at my sleeve.
I would hold onto the idea that it was my mind being stupid but deep inside i knew it was because of Idrion.
Thats probably why i said yes to go to his house.

Why i let him shower me.

Why i let him dress me.

But wwhat shook me was that i let him hold me like he used to. Sitting on his lap with my arms around his neck and his arms around the small of my back, me sobbing onto his shoulder.
Not like a friend but like he would when i had my mood swings.
Being bipolar and in a relationship was hard.

Thats why i left. He begged and cried and i tried not to show emotion but it was so hard.... so hard... i longed for his touch, i longed for his love but i couldnt come home because of what i was doing.

If you want me to be honest i came home in the middle of the night with my spare key and got some clothes. I guess he forgot i had it. I would have a shower when he was at work and then sleep in the bed, leaving an hour or so before he got home. I would grab some of MY money from my stash and pay rent for my apartment but for some reason i didn't want to take my stuff...i think it's because i don't want to take everything from him about me. Also i think i had this slight want...no NEED...to go home.

Home my home. It was my home. I knew i did the right thing by coming home to him. I mean i hadn't slept with anyone or moved on and i haven't even spoken to by friends. I'm so lost i have lost myself and i think Idrion will bring me back.

I'm like this because of my dad. He  wouldn't let us get married. Then he called me a dumb bitch. But what hurt me the most was he called me a disgrace to the family. He abused made with words. He thought they would make him stronger but i have learned to mask my pain.

Me and Idrion will stop him but we'll do it my way. ..

A/N   WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE WANTS IDRION TO DO TO HER DAD ?

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BYEBYE