Magnets

3. Means to an End

           

"He never said?" McGee is on the edge of his seat, a perfect audience.

"He never said," Ziva confirms. "I called an old friend at Mossad-"

"Orli?"

Ziva sighs and gradually nods. "Yes, Orli." The story has taken a lot out of her. "I did not know who else to call who would not ask questions."

"Did she know who the man was?"

"She knew that he was another CIA rogue, but she could not make heads or tails of why he would be in Tali's room at two in the morning. With her help, we..." Ziva glances out the window, reluctant to continue.

"Did you hide the body?" McGee asks bluntly.

"We, uh... Yes. Orli called over a few farmers and told them that my horse died and I could not dig the grave myself. Orli helped me scrub away all the blood while they spent the better part of a day digging, and then once they had gone home and it was dark..." Again Ziva tears up, further confusing McGee's emotions. "After it was dark, I dragged the body out of the house and replaced all the dirt." She laughs a little, but it's not a good laugh. "I was so thankful it rained that night. Come morning, not even I could tell that I had dragged a man through the yard and buried him. It was all gone, just like that."

McGee feels his blood go cold as he hears Ziva repeat the line he's heard so many times from the people he sees in the interrogation room. He suddenly wonders if Ziva's mind is still there, convinced it needs to confess something.

"For a while I thought that was it. Even Orli thought that maybe le Blank was working by himself. I thought it was over."

"But it wasn't."

She shakes her head, for a moment turning her attention to her daughter. Tali hasn't stopped smiling at her.

"So what happened, Ziva?"

"McGee, I really do not..."

"I'll tell Tony." It's childish to say, he knows as he says it, but having Ziva back is like having his sister back, and oh, how McGee wants the team to return to how it was before, with all the teasing and perfect balance. Two and a half years is a long time.

It was the wrong thing to say. If anything, it just makes her clam up more.

She hugs Tali.

"Ziva, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"Then why did you?"

Somehow he forgot how short-tempered she can be. "I want us to be a team again," he says honestly. "I want everything to be how it was."

"Before I left," she says bitterly. But then she sighs, drained once more. "Me, too, McGee."

He gives her a few more minutes before trying again. "What happened after the man broke in?"

"Everything was normal for a few months. Well, normal as I remembered it. It is all relative. But I really thought it was over. There were no noises, no shadows, no broken twigs. It was wonderful. And then it happened again. Another man, late at night, another interrogation I had to hold in my home. I felt like my house would smell like blood forever." She shudders, not something Ziva does often.

"Did he tell you why he was there?"

"No. I knew he would not, and I meant to keep him alive until Orli could bring in a team, but I was just so... angry. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to feel safe in my own house. I wanted them to stay away from Tali. I just wanted it all to stop." She can't meet his eyes anymore, not after confessing to two murders. "I dug the hole myself. I did not tell Orli until about a week after the fact. She offered me a safe house but I refused. What kind of mother would I be if I could not even protect my own house? But I wish I had taken the safe house.

"I started seeing people following me everywhere. Maybe they were following me, maybe I just imagined it. But I was completely paranoid. And strange things started happening again. I felt insane. I did not want to share any of this with Orli, for fear she might agree. I took twice as long to drive anywhere, looping back and making unnecessary turns in case someone was tailing me. I bought locks for all the windows and two more locks for the door. I would not let Tali outside unless I was holding onto her.

"And then there was a letter. I woke up one morning, and someone had written on Tali's bedroom wall. 'We are not after the child. But she is a means to an end.' I have never been more terrified in my life, McGee. I did not sleep well for days, if I slept at all. I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. That is no way to live." Her eyes are pleading, as if trying to convince McGee that her violence was justified.

And while it does all sound like self-defense to him, something still feels really off.

"So what did you do next?" He really doesn't like how he has shifted back into his interrogator persona.

She sighs.