Magnets

5. Leaving

McGee walks down to the squad room, still shocked Ziva actually left. He'd been so sure she would change her mind. How could she leave Tali again?

"McGee?"

He blinks. Gibbs is staring at him from his desk, silently asking about Ziva.

Tony isn't paying attention, so McGee risks it and says, "Yeah, she left."

With a sigh, Gibbs sits back in his chair. He'll never say as much, but he hates how everything is playing out. Maybe if he hadn't pounded his rules into their heads?

Tony's been dragging his feet for the past hour, fiddling with the things in his quitter's box, repacking. But now even he can't pretend he's not just wasting time.

So he leaves the box on his desk and goes around to say his goodbyes. He'll see them from time to time, but it won't be the same. Nothing will ever be the same.

Palmer tries to crack a few jokes to lighten the mood and Tony jokes back, but he's only going through the motions. He can't stop wondering how different things would've been if only he hadn't left Ziva in Israel for the last time.

How could he have left her? She was his best friend, and she was hurting, and what did he do? He agreed to what was pretty much a one-night stand and then gave her space, as she asked, when clearly that was the worst thing he could've done. Maybe it was what she wanted, but he would always feel like he chose wrong.

"DiNozzo." Vance was hit hard by Ziva's death too, although in a different way. The whole Bodner thing.

"Director Vance."

The director offers nothing more than a handshake. What is there to say?

Tony returns to the bullpen to pick up his box.

Tim and Ellie each get a hug, and then he turns to leave.

"Tony."

He turns back at Gibbs' voice and is surprised to receive a hug.

"There's always a spot open for you here."

"Thanks, Boss."

Gibbs watches him leave, wondering how he could've lost two good agents in such a short period of time.

****

Tony takes the box out to his car and then returns for Tali.

Little Tali, so painfully like her mother.

He picks her up to put her in the new car seat, and he swears he smells traces of Ziva's favorite soap. But of course it can't be.

"Ima," the little girl says.

"Ima isn't here," Tony says, fighting to stay calm.

"Ima," Tali insists.

"Okay, fine, Ima." He starts the car, careful not to peel out of the parking lot as he did in the pre-Tali days.

Senior is still out somewhere; he isn't expecting Tony and Tali until much later, thanks to a small fib on Tony's part.

He lets Tali run loose through the apartment since there really isn't anything she could get into.

He hears her racing through the living room, chattering nonstop. He supposes that the stuffed dog clenched in her little fist is now an airplane, mimicking the plane ride Tali took from Tel Aviv to D.C. At least someone's having fun.

It's not even noon yet and Tony knows he shouldn't be drinking while on Tali duty, but facing the whole thing sober has been too much. He's surprised he has made it this far without a single drop of alcohol.

His conscience prickling, Tony pours himself a stiff drink –just a little one– and sits down right there in the kitchen.

Ziva smiles down at him, trapped in that frame on the counter (why would Senior leave it there?).

Tony's eyes shift to his own face, the slightly younger version of himself so much happier. He wishes he could jump into that picture, jump into the past and grab the beautiful woman sitting behind him. He's sure he would never let go.

A crash and an "uh oh" shake him out of his fugue.

He is immediately on his feet; a few dozen movies lay scattered on the floor, thankfully nothing (and no one) hurt.

"Is Tali hungry?" he asks. He's starting to get a really bad headache, and he's exhausted, and he just wants Tali to settle down. Maybe if she eats she'll take a nap.

But Tali is still being finicky with him. He wishes now more than ever that Ziva was here, if only to tell him how she got Tali to eat.

"Ima! Ima!"

Finally he gives up and collapses on the couch. If Tali destroys the place, so be it. He doesn't plan on staying here much longer anyway.

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