One wish

2

My life sucks

I had to move a week after I was diagnosed, since there weren't any hospitals that know a lot about my type of cancer in my area. So we moved to another state, where a hospital is 2 minutes away.

I guess that's good for my health, but I hate it. I wished I lived a couple miles away from a hospital so I wouldn't have to go.

I have a checkup every 3 weeks, to check for new tumors, or growth of tumors. In addition I also have to go every time I get a headache, even if the headache is not that bad.
I went through surgery 14 times, in the past 6 years.

I haven't talked to Sophie since we moved. She called a bunch of times at first, but my mom would pick up, and I made her say that I was sleeping, she eventually stopped calling.
I can't get the image of her and my family crying at the hospital, out of my head. I also can't stop thinking of how much I affected her. And eventually I will die, and she will be more hurt than me, and this was my best option. And I keep reminding myself, I'm doing this to protect her.

You might remember, I said Sophie was my 2nd best friend in the world. Well my 1st best friend is Nia, my twin sister. I was born 9 minutes after her, and she's been my best friend ever since.

She was basically, the only reason to live, anymore, until last year, she's gone now, and she's never coming back, ever.

She died of a very rare disease, that we didn't know she had. It apparently runs in our family, and 1/200 people related to us have a chance of having it, and 1/100 people die from it. The doctor's never told us about it, because they didn't know either. Other than Nia, only 2 people in recorded history have died from it.
After she died my parents have been kind of dead to this world. They barely even communicate with each other. And I stopped trying to help them.

I was a straight 'a' student, before I was diagnosed, but know I'm basically flunking at every subject. My body doesn't really listen to my brain, but I can still think straight. But nobody knows that.

It's hard.

Everything is hard.

Absolutely everything, is hard.