my thoughts and shit

fuck today

(Ok there this girl who i call mom she anit my mom so let say 'mom' ps my real mom is in jail)Will today was fucked up like always it started out like usual I was on my computer until we ran out of soda I got some more and some food b/c we didn't have any then as it hit 4:32 my so called dad woke up my 'mom' figer and wen they left for her work they told Me to spend my money and get food for me and my big sister who is 19  almost 20 some food b/c they could not do it b/c my dad 'needed' the money for beer shit don't you think your kids are more important than beer and shit but no then they left I was alone with my sister who needs to fine a job anyway when they left I went to the store to buy us food  after a while my cuz came over and it was fine until my dad came home then the fighting he yelled at my 'mom' because he spends all of her money at the bar and beer every time this happens I feel like real shit and I never tell my friends b/c I have to be strong for them I hate it sometimes I want to die or just hurt myself but I don't I know how much it hurts my friends and family and if I start to do it I would really kill myself and I don't want that to happen sometimes I just want someone to understand me but it won't work most likely and I just feel sick inside sometimes I don't ear alot b/c of it and then the smell of food makes me want to throw up I'm tried of it maybe one day or someday I will cut or hurt myself bad to just get some stress off or worse to make it go away I might kill myself I'm afraid I will I don't want to I don't want to cry I don't want to die but I do want my family back and I want my old life and I just want all of this to stop for most of my life I  dealed with my real mom doing drugs or being in jail ,my dad fighting my mom my real one , my dad having new gf, moving around a lot ,no having a lot of friends, being bullied ,getting hurt for no reason no one did it ,being scared of almost everything ,trying to hide my depression my little panic attacks my fears my feelings my anxiety and stress and worry and every little thing I'm just pissed off by my life I'm nice b/c I don't want people to be sad but I'm tried of it I do everything I can but it's never enough or I don't even get a thank I don't care about it really but still I'm tried of people shitting on me and seeing people cry and to top all of this off I'm still sad and depressed about my bf breaking up with me I just ugh im tired of being treated like shit and like a kid and tried of people making fun of me b/c I look and sound weird I'm sorry to everyone I'm different than y'all I'm sorry I'm weird and worthless I'm sorry everyone better than me

Will that's wraps this up bye have a nice day/night