Dear Diary | ✓

•last plunge 🌊•

|blue|

Dear diary,

You're not here with me now but no matter.

I'm just cuckoo, mad as a hatter.

I stare into the inviting waves.

I'm beyond being saved.

So fuck you and fuck that.

I take the plunge, I sink into the water.

Colder than ice, my hair floating like a halo

Bubbles rising up as my arms twirl around,

I'm a vision, I'm grace.

And now there's nothing I can deface.

I close my eyes and think about my favorite face.

I love you, mom.

"We found her, Emily," Clifford's voice was tight and something was definitely not right. He was clutching a soaking paper in his hand and Emily stared at it, curiously. "Come here, ma'am." he said, gently.

"Where is she?" Emily asked as she got out of the police car.

"We found her body. Dead. Probably asphyxiation. The water was bone-chilling cold. She drowned herself."

"She's... gone?" Emily asked and she burst out laughing. "She drowned herself in an ocean and you guys found her body. That's hilarious. No but in all sincerity, where is she?"

"Emily, I know this is hard to hear but her body was washed up ashore, she killed herself." He finally held out the soaking note. Emily grabbed it and stared at her daughter's familiar handwriting- barely legible but she could still make it out.

Only four words- I love you mom.

"How are you so sure she killed herself?" Emily asked, calmly but her mind was splitting and running in overdrive. "How are you so sure it's Rosie?"

"The note, Emily, also the surveillance footage from the surfboard shop near the ocean. As for how we identified the body, the Doc IDed the body by a picture." he pointed at a shop overlooking the ocean where two officers where clearly talking to the owner. "Emily, I'm very sorry for your loss." Clifford held his police cap in his hands and he looked at her with a kindness that couldn't be mistaken for pity, Emily could never stand pity.

"Do you have a child, Clifford?" she asked, suddenly.

He looked surprised but then seemed to understand. "Yes, ma'am, two."

"What would you do if you find out your child just killed themselves?" Emily felt calm but her body felt like a ticking bomb. Is this what Rosie felt like? Constantly grappling between two versions of herself?

Clifford watched her slowly. "I can only imagine the pain you're going through, Miss. Harrison."

And then it hit her, like a sudden slap to her face, a punch to her gut, a bullet through her heart. Rosie was dead, gone, poof.

"She's dead!" Emily cried, brokenly and Clifford leaned forward and pressed her lean body to his for just a moment, just warming her, comforting her.

"I'll leave you to your grief for now, Emily, we shall talk later, there are still several details we have to discuss and the body has to be checked. Okay?" he looked at her, his cap still in his hands as she tried shaking the image of Rosie away from her mind to no avail.

She didn't remember answering, she just nodded listlessly as she walked towards the ocean in a drunken stupor. She watched in her mind's eye as Rosie leaped from the rock, thinking she was alone, thinking nobody loved her.

Emily remembered screaming and then everything broke apart, torn and split. A salty ocean lay ahead but Emily sunk into herself.

No tears came, only blankness, like an endless abyss of black and after hours had passed, Emily slowly walked back to her home.

A shiny new beginning was around the corner somewhere and Emily would find it...with time.

A/N: It's over! I have a lot to say but I'll post that tomorrow, it's like 4:32 am here and I'm seriously sleep deprived. (Then, I complain about having eye bags and generally resembling a panda)

Edit: hi, it's now 1:27 pm and im writing my promised authors note:

➡️ Schizophrenia means splitting​of the mind. This doesn't signify that people that have split personalities/ mood swings have schizophrenia. Please do not take this syndrome lightly, it's a serious medical condition that can affect the sufferer and people around it.

➡️ Also in my story, Rosie has several of her negative symptoms much later in life.

Negative symptoms include-

•alogia (lack of interest in speech)

•avolition (lack of motivation)

•they stop responding emotionally well, i.e, they become impassive and generally cold in their behavior.

However positive symptoms are more cognitive related. Positive symptoms can be treated whereas negative symptoms cannot be. Some examples of these symptoms-

•delusions or hallucinations

•disorganised speech.

•catatonic behaviour etc, etc

➡️Lastly, do not be ashamed if you have the condition or know someone who does. Yes, it probably sucks to know that there's something wrong with you but please get yourself treated and get all the help required.

Thank you