The Broken and Lost {Poems}

Alone

Ever since i was a child the thought of being alone terrfied me.
I grew up imagining my life and it all centered around love.
People call it a hopeless romantic
I call it idiotic

The first time i knew my heart was too big and open was elementry school.
The time where giggles and chocolate milk were a good time and rolling down hills and running around were perfrctly acceptable. It was there that i learned i should close my heart.
A child of ten and my body was chubby and awkward. I never thought about it til the hate started.
Fat. Gross. Ugly.
Those words filled my head and it was the first time i had ever been hurt by words. I learned you cant trust people.

The second time my heart was attacked was 8th grade. A little less chubby and 5 great friend later, i was having a good life. Sure there were people who liked to bring me down, but i had friends to guard me. This was also the time i questioned myself for liking another girl. But my heart didnt break until my friend of 6 months, one i talked to everyday and inspired me to become something beautiful, died.
He didnt pass. He didnt give up.. he died. And with him, so did my heart. I learned you cant believe a friend will always be there.

Alone.
My worst fear, and almost a life time after i discovered this fear, it is my life. After being told i couldnt love the one person i wanted to. After trying to move on loving another. After having my heart torn out by the one i thought would be forever. After another friend left me for good. After fights and saddness. After rejection and moving on.
Im alone.

I remeber saying id wait for you.
And youd wait too
I remeber saying id always love you
And you said you would too.
My hopeless romatic syndrome is kicking in, more now then ever because
You arent mine
Youll never be mine
You moved on
I thought i had too
But i didnt
And im alone again.
All alone.
I float on a boat, in a raging black ocean
Low in the water, and no where to go.
The tinest life boat, filled with people i know.
Cold, clamy, and crowded; the people smell desperate. Will sink any mintue, so someone must go.
The tinest life boat, with people i know.
Everyones pushing, everyones fighting, storms are approaching theres nowherr to hide. If i say the weong thing, or i wear the wrong outfit, they'll throw me right over the side.
Im hugging my knees, and the captain is pointing, well who made her captain?? Still..
The weakest must go.
The tinest life boat.
Filled with people i know.
The water is cold, freezing my mind
And above are my friends, my family, my loved ones
I reached for them, but ill never touch as i sink to the bottom.
Alone.
This is what it feels like to truly be alone.