Risen

Chapter 3: Heartbreak

  Leaving her had caused him more pain than he had ever thought possible. He knew without a doubt that he loved her, that she was and would always be the most precious thing in his life. He just couldn't let the wildlings march on Castle Black, not with the pathetic numbers of men of the Night's Watch and the fearsome size of the wildling hoard- every single one of his brothers would be slaughtered.

  "Love is the death of duty," that's what Maester Aemon had said to him what felt like an age ago. He knew now truly what that meant because the choice between the two was crushing him, heart and soul.

  Over the months that he had spent with her their bond had grown and strengthened. It was powerful enough that they could sometimes even feel the ghost of the other's emotions- something that was said to be incredibly rare and very prized. It wasn't often that it happened but when it did they cherished it, Jon would wrap her in his arms and hold her as close to his heart as possible. When it did happen, when there was a particularly strong emotion they would be able to both feel it with clarity, the pain of that day was just one of them.

  When everything had kicked off he had killed Orell, shoved his sword through the heart of that son of a bitch like he had wanted to for so long.  For a moment he had stood and fought along side her and it felt good, it felt right even though he had made it so that she was fighting her own people and that was wrong. She was amazing with her bow and he was more than adapt with his valyrian steel blade, Longclaw. Then Orell's eagle had swooped down and clawed his face, tearing at his eyes. As Orell died and the eagle raced off  and Jon had run. With blood streaming down his face he swung himself onto one of their stolen horses, pushing it straight into a full gallop as soon as he was balanced on the beast's bare back. At that moment he felt the hurt, betrayal and anger deep in his chest. He knew it wasn't his own emotions and he felt a piece of himself break but he didn't stop the horse.

  He sort of sensed her at the pool. He crouched there, tenderly washing his face and the wounds from the eagle's claws, the cold water a relief and tormentor all at once. He was trying not to feel anything as he felt himself break further with every passing second. He had to warn his brothers in the Night's Watch but his entire being told him that he needed to be at his soulmate's side. Then through his struggle he felt her.

  Standing he turned to see her there on the moorland, bow drawn and arrow pointed at his heart. Her face was twisted in pain at his betrayal, the feeling so strong... It hurt him, piercing him as deeply as the arrow that she had pointed at him could. Jon offered her a smile but he knew that it was a broken and pathetic replica of the many that they had previously shared.

  "Ygritte you know I didn't have a choice. You always knew who I was... what I am," he wanted it to come out strong, for both her sake and his own yet he knew that his voice was broken with unshed tears.

  Her bow creaked but her position remained resolute, her eyes screaming out his betrayal. She looked so beautiful even at that moment when she was so hurt and it only crushed him further.

  "I have to go home now," he told her even as his heart cried out that she was his home. Would always be his home. "I know you won't hurt me."

  "You know nothing Jon Snow."

  There it was again, that phrase that Ygritte had spoken with love, with mirth, with distain and now with pure pain. It was those five words that gave him the chance of a weak laugh, a last bit of his mask that was held precariously in place in the face of the situation. He knew that she could see through it anyway, she would be able to feel the pain from him as easily as he felt the pain from her. There was a deep throb in his wrist where his soulmark burned under the strain, a throb that echoed through his being, making it so that he wanted to be there, to fix things.