The Loner Princess and The Jock

Kiss and Tell

"Something happened after you left the hospital." Tommy stood. Coming to stand in front of me, caging me between his arms and bare chest....crap.

"He kissed me." I could see his jaw clench and his knuckles white as he pulled them into fists.

"I told him to stop, that I was with you." I placed my hand on his cheek trying to calm him.

"Jinx, what happened between you and my brother? He says you two have a past together. Is he right, do you belong to him?" He held my hand in his tracing along my fingertips. How did I get here, how did I fall so deep? I let my hand fall from his and sat on my bed, Tommy followed sitting beside me.

"I'm not ready to tell you everything about my past, the part that led to me meeting Patrick. Please understand that part....it's too much." I dug my nails into my skin needing to feel something other than fear...fear that Tommy would never want to talk to me again.

"Jinx please don't hurt yourself." He wrapped his hands around mine and I could feel the tears fall down.

"I was in a lot of pain, I was so confused. My mom wasn't able to talk yet and I was alone but Patrick was there by my side every day, giving me a shoulder to cry on. He gave me a safe space, comfort. Maybe it was because I was young and broken but I willingly accepted it. Each day was getting bearable, I was finally able to talk so people could hear me, I wasn't jumping at every loud noise or hiding behind every door when I got scared. " I could feel Tommy move closer, putting his arm around me.

"Jinx you don't have to tell..." I cut him off finding the courage to continue.

"Patrick and I were inseparable. The doctors were annoyed but never said a word because of what happened. I remember whenever we were together the nurses would whisper and giggle at us." I smiled remembering how much fun I had with Patrick.

"Things started getting serious."

"Wait did you, did my brother? I'll kill him." Tommy stood making a fist again.

"Stop, it never got that far. We were pretty close but I got scared and I ran, that day at your house...that was the first time in three years that I've seen him." I fell back on my bed running my fingers through my hair.

"Do you love him?" Love, I thought to myself. Did I, and whY about Tommy...did I love him?

"Love doesn't exist, I learned that the hard way. I care about Patrick because he saved me from losing whatever was left of me."

"You don't believe in love?" I wasn't sure if it was a question or more so him being confused by what I had said.

"Love only gets you hurt." I sat back up, watching as he grabbed his shirt and put it on.

"So what are we? Are you saying I can't love you because you won't love me back?. Because if you are it's too late, Jinx I'm in love with you and I think you're just putting up a wall because you're afraid to let anyone else in. I may not know what, how or who made you feel like this but I know you feel something for me. Stop denying it." He rubbed his thumb over my lips, he was right. I had put up a wall and I wasn't sure I could bring it down and I did feel something for him, maybe it was love. Whatever it was I wasn't ready. He pulled me into a hug and I melted into him. Patrick uses to make me feel safe but when I was in his arms the other night it felt wrong. Now, here in Tommy's arms...this was my safe space. Tommy was who I wanted and needed.

"I should go and have a talk with Patrick." He kissed me.

"Please don't fight each other, I'm not worth it." I held his hand as we walked downstairs to the door.

"Jinx you are worth so much but I promise I'll just talk to him. I'll text you later." He kissed me again but this felt like he was making a point. I belonged to him. After saying goodbye and kissing him again I shut the door letting out a desperately needed breath. I took out my phone and texted Tommy, although i couldn't say I loved him, i could at least tell him how i felt about him.

Jinx: I do feel something for you. You're who i want to be with, who i feel safe with. Only you.