Just random writing of mine

Letter

4•24•17
1:24 am

Hey mom.
How are you. I'm good. I hope you are too. What's the after life like. Is there even an after life. Doesn't matter.
I miss you. More than words can describe. Do you miss me. I know that we all miss you. Nothing's been the same since you left.
I'm 13 now. I'm in 7th grade. I have some cool friends. My soulmate is Hailey. We call each other soul mates platonically. I couldn't live with out her. My best friend is Javon. He says that when we were little he used to see white orbs around me all the time. We think that it was you. He also said that he saw you in one of his dreams. Oh yeah, he has lucid dreams too. He's really cool. My other best friend is Kyle. He's fucking amazing. He's one of the sweetest people I've ever met. If your ever sad or anything besides happy he'll cheer anyone up. Out of all my friends Kyle is the only one that really hugs me. Kyle gives good hugs. Oh yeah, he's also a furry but you didn't need to know that.
And then there's Zoya. Holy shit how could anyone forget them. They have the most beautiful eyes and hair and face and nose and laugh and they are literally perfect. Zoya is, besides Kyle, the only person who doesn't judge me. I really like Zoya. Like, a lot. But I know they would never like me back so that's ok. They're a grade above me. I'm pretty sure that Zoya's dating a girl named Elizabeth again. But I can still dream right?
What else is happening in my life right now? Well I'm in the drama production. I have to wear a dress and that makes me dysphoria go insane. I like to paint. Oh yeah. And I self harm. Not heavily. But just enough to cause a little blood. I have to go to therapy because of it. It helps I guess. But the self harm makes me feel like I'm finally in control of something.

...

Why'd you have to leave? You left behind three kids and a husband who still hasn't coped. You won't ever know that you only have two daughters and a kid who's doesn't know their gender but is most definitely not a daughter. You'll never know that you left me with depression, anxiety, ptsd, and plenty of other shit. You'll never see any of it.
I cried a lot while writing this. Well no I more cried before I wrote it. But I just like to think that you get this some how. It helped by getting it down somewhere.
You know I love you. No matter how much I ever love someone I will always love you more than anyone else in the world.

Well I have school tomorrow so im gonna go to bed now. Good night. Love you.