Just random writing of mine

a lot

just a journal entry nothing special.

I just had a really bad anxiety attack. I mean a lot worse than I've had in a while. I was shaking, I was yelling, I kept saying "stop stop stop it" because my brain wouldn't shut up. I eventually got loud enough to the point where my dad woke up and I had to cling to him for a solid ten minutes. I don't usually have panic attacks this bad and I have no idea why it happened. I just  laid down to go to sleep and it happened. I was listing to a video that usually puts me to sleep but now I'm not going to be able to use it because I don't know if it's a trigger or not, and if it wasn't before it is now. I think it also may have been because of the lighting in the room. I was favoring a really dark wall and behind me was really dimly and ominously lot and that might have mad me freak. But I've also been hella stressed with school and everything and it's all just a lot I wish I didn't have to have all this stuff. I wish I could just go to sleep without thinking I might die while sleeping and that would be it. I wish j could keep doing things without worrying about anxiety triggers. It's all just a lot. As I'm typing this I'm still shaking. A lot. I'm wearing a unicorn onesie. 5 things I can see are my phone, my bed, my bear, my blanket, and my fan. 4 things I can touch are my bear, my onesie, my blanket, and my glass of water. 3 things I can hear are my fan, crickets, and the fabric of the hood move whenever I move my head. 2 things I can smell are peanut butter from some crackers, and laundry detergent on my bear. 1 thing I can taste is iron from biting my lip. I probably won't sleep tonight unless I just naturally pass out. Whoops. So much or school.

1:00 am
9-25-17
Monday