The List

Chapter Twenty Nine

My room is too quiet. There's no sound of laughter, Rhett's voice teasing me, no music blaring through one of our phones. I've barely made it out of this room, other than to take my finals. Even doing that was a struggle. I keep the room dark and silent, avoiding contact from anyone.

Liam came to the door for the first three days, but after an hour of knocking each day he finally stopped coming. Nathan's tried coaxing me out of the room. Nothing can will me out of this bed. I skipped treatment this week, even my doctor couldn't give me a reason to live any longer. After five days of solitude, I struggle with what comes next.

It's the first day of Christmas break. Liam and Nathan are leaving later this afternoon to go back to Oklahoma. Going back there means escaping the memories here, but it also means being under the thumb of my mother. There's no winning situation anywhere. There's no place I'll ever feel like I did when I was with Rhett.

I miss the hell out of him. I haven't seen him around campus, and since the day he left me alone in this room he hasn't tried to call or text me. I thought this would be easy. It never occurred to me that by breaking his heart, I would be breaking my own in the process. The worst part of it all, it's my own damn fault. I let the fear of this disease push away the best friend I ever had, the person I know I love.

I lied to him, but he has his own mistakes too. What he did, and what he said, sting at my heart every time I picture him with that girl or replay the words he said to me. There's no going back for either of us. We both made decisions that destroyed the friendship and trust we built between each other. It was always about honesty and looking out for each other. I guess the ghosts in our closets wanted to prove they'd always be around, no matter how hard we tried to outrun them.

As I lay in my bed, there's a banging at my door, with such intensity it draws me out of the bed for the first time in a couple of days. It's always been a gentle knocking coming from the boys anytime they tried to talk to me. I slowly turn the lock, and the door is swung open.

In all her glory, my mother stands before me, her hair perfectly in place and a hard glare set in her face. She must've heard the news by now.

"How dare you?" She questions, storming into my room. "How dare you throw your life away, like you have nothing to live for?"

I shut the door and quietly turn to face her, partially out of surprise that she showed up to my dorm. The other half of me is so numb that nothing she says could make a difference anyway.

"Do you really think ending your treatment is the best idea?" She demands.

I stare blankly at the woman in front of me. We haven't spoken but maybe two times since I started school here, and now months later she stands before me trying to control my life again.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?" She questions, hands on her hips.

I shrug my shoulders. Nothing I can say will make a difference she doesn't care. She doesn't understand any of this.

"You're coming home." She states, grabbing the empty boxes from my closet.

"No." I spit out. "I'm not."

She scoffs and throws the boxes on my bed. "You don't know how to make your own choices anymore, so I'm doing it for you. Pack your stuff, we're leaving."

The door opens again, this time with Liam and Nathan coming inside. My heart drops when Rhett doesn't follow behind them.

"What are you doing here?" I question, glaring at Liam. "Come to throw it in my face what my cancer is going to do next?"