moonlight : luke

alone

important, kind of long a/n at the end :-)

—

5:49 PM // last evening

"well, our last sunset here, and it looks absolutely breathtaking." calum says.

we are all in the same formation we were at when we watched the sunrise the first morning we were here. except now, there's an addition and jane's next to luke at the end.

"this may be the best sunset i've ever seen." jane says.

"i'm glad i got to see it with you." luke whispers to her.

i kept quiet the whole time, not wanting to look at luke because i know him and jane are holding hands.

once the sun was out of sight, michael was the first one that stood up.

"show's over, folks," he dusts the sand off of his board shorts, "let's go eat, yo man is hungry." he rubs his tummy as he says this.

we all decide to eat at the most expensive restaurant on the island, just because it was our last night.

8:16 PM

"boy, i'm stuffed." ashton giggles as he pats his tummy.

i was quiet for most of the time, as i observed everyone.

i'm so fucking sad tonight.

as we walk out of the restaurant, before michael talks about wanting to drink, i talk.

"would you guys mind if i separated tonight? i'm not going to a club or anything, i'll just walk around. some alone time."

they all look at me, then at each other.

luke is the first one to speak, "are you sure? i mean, it's our last night here."

"yeah, i'm sure," i nod, "i just wanna be by myself tonight."

"uhm, okay. if you're in trouble, we're all on speed dial. if you don't text as least one of us every hour, we'll find you, okay?" luke says, still unsure of his words.

"okay." i smile at all of them, and walk away.

once i reach our room, i open up my suitcase and open the smallest pocket. there, i pull out my black moleskine notebook.

this is something i've treasured and kept for more than three years. this is where i keep all my saddest, deepest thoughts. all for luke.

i sigh as i walk out of the room, and i start to walk towards the farthest end of the beach.

"tonight, i shall weep for you." i whisper to the moon, it's moonlight radiating over the whole island.

8:55 PM

i plop myself down on the sand, and sit down, my knees touching my chest. my fingers graze over the fine material this notebook is made out of, before i open it.

this is everything i didn't say. i read mentally as i open the first page.

i sigh as i flip open the pages, occasionally stopping on quotes that make my heart ache.

oh, i'm sorry. would you like me to read some for you? here, let me share my sadness.

i love you, i thought. but i didn't say it.
there are so much instances where i'd look at luke, i'd stare at him, even though he's
just doing the simplest of things. i love everything he does.

so this is what longing feels like.
he's always so close to me. he's always within earshot, at a distance where i can touch him easily, but he always seems so far away. i long for him, even though he's always there.