Fix Me

Chapter 1

Hey guys. I'm so happy you decided to read this. (whoever is reading)

This is going to be updated (possibly) monthly. I haven't figured out a date yet.

This is also going to be the only author's note in the whole story. Just thought I would let you know. 

Anyway I hope you enjoy it. 

______________________________________________

I can't feel it.

Everything goes in slow motion. As I fall, my demons fall with me. All my fears, all my worries, they fall with me.

Turns out you can never really get away from your problems. You can just hide them. I thought that if I tried hard enough to get away from them, they would go away. But I was wrong. Oh so very wrong.

Many times I have tried. I have tried so many times that I couldn't keep count after 13. Shows how much of a loser I am. I can't count farther than 13.

No one loves me. Not even my douche bag of parents that left me right after I was born. I live in an orphanage and not one kid likes me. Constantly, every day I get picked on and beaten up.

It seems like the only person who really cares about me and understands me is Mrs. Emma. She really lets me speak to her, and she really listens. And understands. Which no one else does. Mrs. Emma is also the owner of the orphanage.

But she's the only one who seems to love me. No one else does. I don't even love myself. I have such a high level of self loathe, that it sometimes results in me harming myself. I don't ever remember doing it though. I sometimes wake up and wonder how that got on my skin. Most times I'm not surprised.

Many people say that I am mentally unstable. I would agree with them most times. Sometimes I know I am stable in my head and they just assume I'm some psycho.

I'm not some psycho. I'm not. I'm far from it. I'm just some misunderstood teenager who has no chance of falling in love. That's it. I'm not going to blow up a gas station. I'm not going to murder my parents if I ever find them.

Being 15 sucks doesn't it?

"Ha. Faggot." Daniel spat as he finished kicking me. He walked away and left me sitting on the floor. Like I was some sort of trash. Which I am.

"Daniel. Get back over here." Mrs. Trudy, a worker here, yelled in his direction.

"Yes Mrs. Trudy?" he said standing in front of me.

"Why did you beat up Shane? I want a logical reason."

"Mrs. Trudy, its fine." I moan. "It's happened before. I'm okay."

"Shane. Let me handle this. Why were you kicking Shane?"

"I told you I'm okay. I deserve it anyway." I say slowly getting up.

"Shane, no one deserves to be kicked repeatedly. Daniel I want you to say sorry to Shane."

"Sorry fagface."

"It's-" I began to say.

"Daniel. Don't call him that."

"I told you it’s okay." I interrupt.

"IT'S NOT OKAY SHANE!"

"I'M OKAY WITH IT SO I SAY IT'S OKAY!" I yell back.

"You're so hard to deal with Shane Dawson." She said pissed, then stomped off.

No matter how hard I try, I manage to fuck everything up. I sigh, and walked off into my room. I close the door, and lock it. I take off my shirt and look at the bruises he left. Why does everyone hate me?