Fix Me

Chapter 3

What do I do now?

G is going to the hospital, and I'm stuck alone.

Wanna know what I just realized? G and I haven't even been friends for a full 24 hours.

It feels like it's been longer though.

"You don't have that privilege yet." I faintly hear a nurse say.

"But I need to see him."

"See who?" the nurse asked.

"My brother. he-he tried to kill himself. I need to see him at the hospital."

It sounded like he was about to cry.

"Who are you? I need your files, to see if you have that-"

"Ma'am please! I need to see him!"

Now he was bawling.

"Look, I'm sorry. I can tell you're hurt and worried, but I can't let you go. All apologies."

After a few seconds, G came back into the room with tears in his eyes. I had to pretend that I didn't hear what went on.

"What happened?" I asked letting him sit on my bed.

"She wouldn't let me go. I need to fucking see him."

"I unders-"

"No you don't fucking understand. You don't understand what it feels like to almost lose someone multiple times."

"No I-I don't. But he's gonna be okay. Right? Yeah yeah he's gonna be okay."

"How do you know? How do you know he's gonna be okay?"

"I'm just-"

"You don't. Ahhh fuck." he said standing up. He leaned on the opposite wall and pushed down on the hem his boxers and the little white box fell out. He picked it up, and took out one cigarette. He took out the lighter and lit it. He blew out a puff of smoke. I watched it fly into thin air. Getting tangled up with itself.

I find it beautiful the way it does that. It's weird. Something so beautiful can be so bad for you. Yet you still go back to it.

But what am I talking about? I'm not a poet.

"Are you o-"

"No. I'm not okay. And this is my last cigarette I'm fucked." he said putting it back in between his lips. Watching.

"I can't help you there."

He sighed. "I know. Thanks for trying." he said blowing out smoke.

"I would ask, but I don't-"

"No go ahead. Ask." He interrupted.

"Can-can I share, that with you?" I asked expecting a negative answer.

"Sure."

After a few seconds, (because I thought he was going to say 'fuck no') I stood up, and went over to him.

He blew out smoke before handing it to me.

I held it for a few seconds, admiring it.

Odd I know.

"Don't just look at it. It'll burn out."

I put it to my lips, and sucked in the cancer causing smoke. I coughed a few times, but I put up with it.

The main reason I wanted to do this, is so I could see him closer. To be closer to him. I don't think he minded it though.

"Hello?" I heard from outside the door.