1000 Forms of Fear

Forgotten.

That M.a.D. kind of relationship
you made her believe you both had.

I couldn't fathom
how a goddess
fell for your deceitful lies...

<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>

Hypnos and Morpheus have been ignoring me for the last couple of days so I turned myself and surrendered to Bacchus.

I tried popping pills and took the prescribed dosage...but sleep seemed to be on the far end of this bargain.

I miss your warm body next to mine. Your hands, cautiously snaking its way and protectively wrapping around my tiny waist. Then slithering downwards, fingertips tracing above my womb. Your lips gently planting feather light kisses to my already flushed but tear-stained cheeks. You were whispering words I can't seem to understand. Humming hymns from songs I haven't heard about. Your sexy and husky morning voice seemed to pacify my troubled thoughts and pull me into a peaceful slumber...

I just drained another bottle of red wine... Although, earlier this afternoon, I already went to a local bar. I drunk a few more mugs of booze to satisfy my id... So I can overwrite something in the past. I know I have been drowning myself from alchohol for the past few weeks since I got here. I thought of it as the easiest way to escape from the hurtful memories of the past and to get you off my mind...

We used to rave every club and partied all night. Grace every events we are both requested, invited, obliged and entitled to attend to. Then on some rare private evenings, we'll both shy away from the bustling city of London and hibernate at the countryside. Isolating ourselves from all the glitz and glamours of our two different worlds, and stay cozied in that little cabin by the sea you purchased as a wedding anniversary gift for me.

We would then, visit that one particular spot, our favorite old English pub and then let ourselves be carried away as we exchanged gentle caresses, quick lip locks, and sweet nothings over the last cups of ale we both shared...

And so Bachus sent me precious gifts such as those fragrant red liquids instilled in ornate bottles. Those were supposed to help me forget everything about you...

All of those memories I fondly shared with you...

All the hurt that you have caused...

The supposed relationship we have...

The special bond you made me believed about...

Those years, I willingly spent with you... I gave my life to you...

But then again..

I still couldn't help myself... My mind kept thinking of you. Even if I desperately drowned myself with several intoxicating concoctions...

My already dying heart still thrives to beat again. In hopes that you will somehow, return the other half you have taken away with you. When you left me, all alone... Again.

~~~~~~

Earlier that night...

The barmaid was already looking at me with so much guilt (or pity). Probably contemplating about the huge amount of beer I already have consumed. She should have stopped handing me more but I know I can turn into such a total bitch when I'm intoxicated. I kept on demanding for another rounds even though I know that I am going to lose control if I get another mug of that bitter tasting malt concoction...