Writers' Workshop

Execution Help: Sneaking in Protagonist Description

Suggestion given by: martybkr

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This is something all of us writers have trouble with. Especially if we write in first person or close third, sneaking in that character description is awkward unless your character is a self obsessed narcissist.

So basically having this:

I got up and combed my long blond hair, while my blue eyes looked out the window.

Is unnatural and breaks POV, because no one ever thinks about the color of their hair on a daily basis.

Then, you have the mirror/puddle/other reflective surface description. DON'T DO IT! The mirror description is the biggest cliche on this planet (together with the morning routine opening).

"How do we do it, then?" you will rightfully yell at me.

Well, there's no sure fire way to describe a character who isn't looking at themselves, but here are a few nifty tricks:

1. The comparison

This is my go-to method, actually, and it works especially well for close third, but can do the trick for first person as well.

The only natural time I find myself thinking about how I look, is when I compare myself to other people. So if the protagonist compares themselves with a sibling/friend/nemesis, it works.

Warning: put it in context. The comparison should be triggered by something, not just come out of the blue, because otherwise, it's just awkward.

For siblings, it could be a trait they share or one they share with a parent. For friends, it's more natural if it's brought up in conversation. Same for enemies and other people. Because you don't just randomly start comparing yourself to other people either.

2. The decisive trait

You can successfully trigger a non-awkward description by having your protagonist being called out on one of their traits  (in a friendly or less friendly manner). Blondie, big eyes, frizzy... You get the idea. That's actually a likely trigger to go into self analysis.

3. Using the mirror

Okay, I know I said no mirror. But there are actual situations when it's not so bad. If you use the mirror as a device for something else and go from there, it could work.

For example: character is using mascara and pokes herself in the eye. It goes red and actually amplifies the color of her iris. That works. Though I believe it isn't enough of a trigger to reveal more than eye color.

Same with using a window pane. If it's raining and the character looks out and the drops look like tears, you could sneak in the eye color.

Getting branches in your hair could sneak in the hair color of they're the same color ( pro tip: go for straw if you're blonde).

Bumping into people can take you to structure and build.

A conclusion to this section: the cliches work and can help you if you use them in an original manner and don't latch on to them to throw up the entire description at once.

4. The eyes of the beholder

Now this is another useful trick. It's easy to describe other characters because the protagonist sees them, right? Why not use that in your advantage? Have another character describe the protagonist. Again, there should be context for this. The context would usually be comparison, because I see no other reason people would describe someone out loud, but you get the idea.

If you're doing close third person, you could also describe the protagonist if you are in another point of view. However, you should never switch PoV simply to achieve this. Only incorporate it if it's actually a natural PoV switch and if you have a trigger for the description, normally by using one of the other suggestions.

5. Bits and pieces

If you're patient and don't care that much about description, you can sneak in bits and pieces in an organic manner. Drop the hair color here, the eye color there, the build later on... stuff like that. (In one story, you get the character's height in chapter 16...)

All of these things must be introduced in context. The mascara bit is a good example. Hair on brush, unfitting/fitting school uniform, age inappropriate physique... things like that.

What you must never do:

Hi, my name is Mary Sue. I'm 15 years old, I have red hair and blue eyes and am very short for my age. I'm not very pretty, but boys flock to me because I have junk in the trunk and big boobs.

Don't EVER do that unless it's spoof. There's nothing that screams amateur worse than that little introduction there.

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Do you have any other suggestions or know of any way to sneak in character description? Let us know in the comments.

~written by Wimbug