Chasing Love (Completed)

Chapter 45 - Man Up

One day I woke up and realized that this isn't going to work anymore.

Relationship doesn't look like this. Loving someone and having someone love you should be the best feeling in the world.

Masaya pa rin ako kay Liam pero iba na talaga. It's not his fault dahil nararamdaman kong umiiwas na siya kay Celine pero masyado nang late para doon.

I don't want to admit it but this feeling of insecurity that I felt overpowers the love that I feel for him. I love Liam. And that's the problem.

I love him so much that I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want him to settle with me just because I'm there.

"What's wrong?"

I look at him and all I see is his worried face. Isn't it too late to be worried now?

"Wala."

"Baby, alam natin na pag sinasabi mong wala meron. What's wrong?"

I almost cried when I heard his endearment for me. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko bang gawin 'to sa kanya. I don't know if I can break his heart.

Pero hindi ko na talaga kaya.

"Wala. I just.. I love you, Liam."

"You're scaring me. Anong meron?"

"Anong nagustuhan mo sa akin?" Tanong ko.

I heard him laugh and felt his hand on mine. I let him hold my hand even if I want to jerk away from his touch.

"Bakit bigla mong natanong?"

"Bakit hindi mo masagot?" Nilingon ko siya. I don't know what he could see in my face but his smile disappeared.

"For what it's worth, I love everything about you. You know that." Sagot niya and nothing hurts more than his answer.

"One can't possibly like everything about a person."

I can give a thousand reason why I love him. But he can't even give me one.

Everything is just a lame answer. An excuse to not really answer. You say that when you have nothing to say. If I didn't know better, I'd believe him.

"Baby, come on. What's wrong with you? Bakit ka nagkakaganyan?"

I inhaled and exhaled deeply. "I don't know. I think, I think we need a break.." I paused and closed my eyes for a second. "Let's break up."

"What?"

Humigpit ang hawak niya sa kamay ko and I swear I want to hold his hand more than anything right now but I shouldn't. Inalis ko ang pagkakahawak niya sa kamay ko.

Hurt flashed across his face and I have to avoid the look and at the same time try not to cry.

"I'm sorry. Let's break up, Liam."

"Why? You don't have to do this. Tell me what's wrong we can fix this--"

"No. We can't." Umiling ako.

"Bakit? May nagawa ba ako? Did I upset you?"

"Wala. I just can't do this anymore. Narealize ko na hindi ko pala talaga kaya with acads and you. Hindi ko kayang pagsabayin."

"You said you love me. Ayusin natin 'to. Is this about Celine? Iiwasan ko siya. Hindi ko na siya kakausapin. Just don't do this."

I back away while shaking my head. This is harder than I thought it would be. I didn't expect saying those words would hurt like this.

I still had so many things I want to do with him. We talked about going to high school reunions together and I would laugh at those people who doubted us before. Aattend pa kami ng graduation ng isa't isa and we would be so proud of our achievement. We would attend college parties together. Together. Ang dami pa namin hindi nagawa na hindi na namin magagawa ng magkasama.