Various Poems

How am I Supposed to Know?

I wonder if those words you used to boost my self confidence
were nothing more than water.
Translucent words running out of my ears
and shooting at my heart like the high pressure stream of a firehose.
How do I know you weren't lying?

I want to know you better,
so we could be like a banana and it's split,
You the banana and I the split,
because those uplifting words you shoved into the hole you carved open in me
only raise questions and fears in my mind.

I found out you were leaving so soon after we met.
I wonder if you will miss me like I will you,
If you will care that I'm too afraid to ask to stay connected,
I wish I could tie a rope around your ankle, attach it to mine,
just so I could follow you.

I don't have the courage to ask you to stay,
because of fear and doubt of not knowing a thing,
from trusting the untrusted who posed as my friend.

How am I supposed to trust somebody who I barely know,
yet still holds words that are sprayed into my ears
and disinfect bacterial emotions from my ceramic tiled brain?
Is it okay, that, because of a few small words,
I feel this attachment to you that I refuse to let go?

But the words you wrapped around my heart will be cut loose as you leave
if I don't get a reassurance that you were speaking truths,
how will I know what you really meant?

Because lies can be truths
and truths can be pillows stuffed with knives that I laid my head onto,
expecting soft cotton but only receiving sharp stabs of trust twisted into fear,
covered in a blood soaked pillow case of lies.

I wish I just had the courage to ask if what you said was truth or deceit.
If I could just know then maybe I would know,
whether or not I should reach and grasp at our possibly imagined friendship,
whether this connection that pulses through my veins is a fathomable horse,
or no more real than a unicorn.

So please just let me know,
if our bond is real or no.
Would you mind keeping this connection intact?
Or was your intent all along my destruction?

Fear constricts my words,
making something so simple, so complex,
but the pain of the unknown behind those three words that you said
leaves me choking on the air trying to fill my chest,
All I need to know is if you are my friend.