Prose Red, Violent Blue

A Letter To You, Part One: Of Times Past and A Magical Hug

you are my sanctuary

and I yours,

or at least I used to be.

he left you torn and in tears;

you told me later on that it was the saddest you had ever felt; after he had gone.

i told you that

even if the entire world doesn't want you to stay,

you will always have a place in my arms.

Always;

unless you decide otherwise.

he hurt you and you came to me;

and I took you in my arms.

i tried to give you everything I could.

i tried to make you happy;

with heartfelt words and playful jokes and just a pinch of craziness.

I tried so hard to make you feel at least a fraction of how
amazing you make me feel when I am with you.

i tried so hard to make you happy that one day i realised:

you feel like home.

you are so familiar;

like that one panda plushie you gave me that I can't sleep without.

and that book; that poetry book that you also bought for me.

eventually you had returned my efforts, it seemed.

i kept whining about how much
you had spent on me but believe me; deep down I was- and am- grateful beyond words to have someone like you in my life.

and they have no idea just how much time we spent videocalling;

my entire call log is full of you.

it made my day every time, you know?

seeing your face on my screen grinning up at me with that smile;

that blinding; brighter-than-the-sun smile.

remember that one magical hug we had?

it was when you were about to go home from our hangout.

you had hugged everyone else

and there was anticipation in the air.

i was anxious and excited- and perhaps just a tiny bit nervous.

who am i kidding? i was shaking.
and then ours arms met and our bodies collided and it happened.

we were entwined and for once in my entire life;

i felt whole again. I felt complete.

I'd do anything to get that feeling back again.

They took pictures, of course.

And there was one where I had my eyes closed, like I was snug and sound asleep. you said I looked so comfortable in that picture.

maybe it was because being with you felt so familiar; so right.

They fawned over it and people started asking me why I didn't tell them I had a girlfriend.

I think honestly, that was the moment when I started slowly forgetting that we were not together; that you are not mine to keep.