amity // phan

fourteen.

-dan-

I never knew quite how to describe the two of us.

I guess that being with Phil made me feel blue. But it was a bright blue, clearer than the sky. The world kind of melted into a dream when I was with him.

And at first, after he told his friends about the two of us, everything was rose coloured and sweet. We walked through school holding hands, he kissed me outside of my math class, and he was smiling more than I'd ever seen.

And then, a few days later, the world woke up.

I guess it was stupid, really. Thinking that it would last forever. Thinking that we were safe in wonderland.

Before I knew it, the roses had faded to grey.

It happened on the sixth day after he told them. The school hallways were busier than usual, so I didn't see that something was wrong until we got closer to my locker. I saw the people crowded, cramped around it, and I got that sinking feeling in my stomach. The air was strung tightly with anticipation.

At first, I thought my eyes weren't working right. They couldn't be.

A locker- my locker- wasn't pale white anymore. It was decorated with black ink, scrawled in big block letters:

FAG

My hand slipped through Phil's fingers, and hung limply at my side.

I stood there for a second, watching. And all of those people were watching me. Some of them laughing, some of them quiet.

All of the air in the room disappeared. Or maybe all of the sounds did.

Phil was telling people to "fuck off already," but his words sounded more like heavy water.

And it was just the two of us left after that.

He was saying something to me, his voice soft. Because I was delicate like glass. Because I had a personality more fragile than the flowers I pressed. Because he was worried that I'd shatter into a million pieces.

When I didn't answer, he grabbed my hand again, more firmly than before, and pulled me out of the school.

We stood in the parking lot for almost a minute, the wind blowing through me.

And he was speechless.

Phil freaking Lester, who could make the stars collide.

Phil freaking Lester, who made people fall in love with the world.

Phil freaking Lester, who took all the problems on his back and turned them into wings.

He was fucking speechless.

And then that last little piece inside of me snapped.

After that, there was lava bubbling up in my throat, in my chest, in my lungs. It didn't take long for me to erupt, detonate, explode.

Maybe that's why boys weren't supposed to be made of glass.

And then my hands were pounding on his chest and I was shouting at him and I was pushing his hands away and I was struggling against him and I was burning holes right through the dark and I was burning holes through my own mind and I was throwing fire and I was screaming starlight. It just wasn't fucking fair that it was always fucking me.

And then Phil grabbed both of my shoulders, his fingers quiet, eyes quiet.

And I collapsed into him.

And he was holding me. The rest of the world was irrelevant.

- - -

an//

So. yesterday I passed my drivers test (ty for all the encouragement) and in honor of that you guys get this lil mini chapter early. btw full length one with actual dialogue is still scheduled for the 13th.

also! tell me what u thought about whatever this thing was lol

see u soon!