Falling For Death

the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live

"Don't you think it's really weird?"

Christie raised her eyebrows. "Uh, yeah." she lowered her eyelids and exhaled loudly. 

"What's up?" 

"I don't want to alarm you...but I have a theory."

I laid back on my bed as thoughts swirled around my head, my gaze focused blankly on my online best friend.

I mean, which full-time (anti-social) psychologist in the world has time for an actual, functioning social life?

A year ago, I had joined a forum for fellow horror movie buffs out of loneliness and desperation to converse with like-minded people. Given my spate of short lived small talks with people online, it was surprising that Christie and I had struck it off pretty well and maintained our online, long-distance friendship. She was a few years younger than me and in her final year of university pursuing Forensic Science. Between the intriguing things she learnt in school and my interesting consultation sessions, we had more than enough topics to talk about.

And yes, as incredulous as my I-met-Death-while-shopping tale sounded, I had convinced Christie that I was not insane by challenging Death to appear in her dreams (nightmare?) as non-threateningly as he could. Both of them refused to tell me what happened in her dream, but it was no issue since from then on she had whole-heartedly believed every word I spoke about him.

I cleared my throat. "Tell me."

"It's... stupid. Also, if it's real I won't ever forgive myself." A dark shadow fell over her gentle countenance. 

She looked... Haunted? Spooked?

"Just say it."

Christie looked at me solemnly, her eyes heavy with worry. "Do you think he stopped visiting you because..it's your turn?"

"My turn?"

"Never mind. Can we drop this, please?" Christie said sharply. 

"You're saying he stopped visiting because it's time for me to die?"

Her curtain of long dark hair hid her woebegone expression, but I knew it was there.

I squeezed my eyes shut, clutching my duvet tightly as it bunched up in my fist. As terrifying as it was, it made more sense that I'd like to admit.

"You might be right."

"I don't want it to be. Please." she said forcefully. "I'm feeling really scared for you now."

"He might just be trying to pull a fast one on me, you know. " I forced a smile onto my face. "Like during April Fool's. 

Death had thought it was funny to 'accidentally leak' folders of Grim's list of intended souls, with my name at the very top. I didn't want to admit it, but I had a mini mental breakdown and had prayed fervently for God to save me. I kept my cool around Death though, and pretended it was a lame joke that didn't get to me at all.

"Oh, definitely." Christie said, nodding vehemently. "There's no other explanation."

I sighed. 'Well, I'm going to turn in and  I'll text you first thing in the morning tomorrow. And If I don't..." I smiled wryly. 

"I swear to God, you better call."

"Love you." I blew a half-hearted kiss towards the screen and signed off, closing my laptop lid. 

I said a whispered prayer and tried to sleep.

*

''I've been waiting for you. Where have you been?''

Those were the words that came tumbling out of my mouth, laced with unmasked irritation as I stared down at my digital watch which read 430PM.

''What's wrong?'' I sighed at his stoic expression.

''I can't meet you anymore.''

''You're here.'' I snorted.

''Yeah, well.' he looked up at me briefly, his startling blue eyes dimming slightly. 'This will be our last meetup.''

''So you're switching psychologists. You can just say that, I won't get offended.'' I said smoothly, even though I was hurting a little inside. I wasn't certified as best psychologist two years running for nothing.

''Do you like your life, Ariel?'' 

'Eh, it's not too shabby. Although, I would have liked it if I could have more life in general out of the office.' I peered at him closely. 'Why are you asking? Trying to change the subject here, are we?" 

''So you would like to continue living here.'' Death said.

My skin was burning a little as he continued staring at me intensely. 'Yeah.' I swallowed, then narrowed my eyes. Something was off. "Can you tell me what the hell is going on?" 

"Do you really want to know?"

Death had never sounded so... serious before. 

''Death..' I stared up at his unreadable expression. 'Tell me what's going on, please.'' I clutched at his hands. They were marble cold.

''You are going to die.' he said. He let go of my hands and placed a palm gently beneath my chin. 'No, you were supposed to.''

I felt something trickle down my cheek. ''What is happening?''

He lifted my hand to his chest wordlessly.

I braced myself for the icy coldness that would surely render my hand numb.

Instead, a gentle heat permeated through his top, which escalated to an intense burn that made me yank my hand back instinctively as I yelped.

''What was that?'' I stared down at my hand, shocked.

The searing heat had dissipated, but an odd feeling started stirring up within me.

''I don't know. You tell me.''

Those eyes were bearing into my soul again.

''Ariel, I can't let you die.''

'But you said I was... supposed to?' I swallowed as my hand travelled up to his face almost involuntarily. Somehow, it gave me comfort that I was still able to touch him, even though my impending death would come soon.

''You can't.''

His own hands cupped my face and I closed my eyes as a pair of lips pressed softly onto mine.

''This is a dream, right?'' I gasped as I looked at him through blurred vision.

''You tell me, Dr Raven.'' he said. ''Does it feel like one?''

I blinked away my tears fiercely. ''You can't go.''

''You're a feisty one. That's why I like you.''

My breath caught in my throat as the full force of his words hit me. 

''Death...'' I clutched his slim, cold fingers.

''We will surely meet again, Ariel.'' he smiled wanly.

''I like you.'' I blurted out. 'Just take me away with you. My life... is meaningless. I see patients, day after day. What's the point of living in an endless cycle like this?''

''You're the first to try and justify your death.'' Death chuckled.

He had a nice chuckle.

What was I saying?

''You still have a lot to live for.''

''You can't change people's fates like that. You told me there are consequences.'' I said stubbornly.

''I did say that. But you're not just another life.''

The resolve in his eyes made my own chest burn. ''So what are you going to do?''

''Ariel...' his startlingly blue eyes bore into mine with such intensity, yet it was like a magnet that I couldn't pull my gaze away from.

''Goodnight, my love.''

*