The Closet Flower

Chapter 2: The Beginning (Charlie's Point of View)

“I really wasn’t expecting that,” I said to myself the night that Patrick first kissed me when we were at Schenley Park. I am straight, well at least I thought I was.What if I was gay? I thought deeply about this. I walked into the living room and see both of my parents on the couch watching tv.

“Mom? Dad? What would you do if I was gay?”

They both looked at me strangely.

“Charlie, honey, I would love you no matter what,” my mother said smiling at me.

I looked at my dad to see him glaring at me.

“Charlie, you bastard child why the fuck would you ask that,” my father questions screamingly.

My mother looked at him shocked, and she says to him,” Don’t you ever talk to MY children like that ever again.”

My father looked at her crossly, and said in a hurry, “YOUR child!?! Who helped make him? That’s right! ME! You’re crusin’ for a brusin’ WOMAN.”

My mother stomped over to him and slapped him across the face. I took this as my cue to slowly back out of the room.

I decided to walk upstairs and I go to my sisters’ room to ask her the same question. I saw something I didn’t want to see, Not again, I thought to myself. “I’m tired of walking in here and seeing you two fuck all the time,” I shouted at my sister and her boyfriend.

“Get the hell out you perv,” my sister yelled at me and threw a pillow across my face.  I just stand there at the edge of her bed in disbelief, “No,” I continued to shout at her,” I will not get out, and I am not a perv you two spend all your free time fucking each-other, I bet you barely know anything about each-other.”

So I go back to my bedroom and thought of Patrick. I thought of how his lips perfectly met mine. I looked down to find a bulge under the blanket. I soon begin to masturbate to the thought of him naked. The next morning, I woke up with my pants off, and socks all over the floor. At about 3 o’clock in the afternoon Patrick shows up at my door, and he brings me to a park. I think he’s told me about this park before, it’s where people like Patrick and possibly I go to meet other men.

I wonder if Patrick is going to kiss me again?

Wait why was I thinking that?

I realized after a while maybe Patrick wasn’t going to kiss me again, because we saw Brad there at the park, and he began to get really upset. I let him go to his car to breathe for a while, while I sat down and smoked. After the sports-broadcaster and I talked I looked behind me to see if Patrick was paying attention. He wasn’t, he had his eye closed and his head back. So I took my chance and walked over to Brad and the random guy he was kissing. I cleared my throat and watched as Brad jumped up and looked like he was ready to fight. When he saw it was me he calmed down. Big mistake. Before I knew it I punched him in the face once again and walked away. Before I got to Patrick’s car I turned and looked at the guy he was kissing.

“He’s a manwhore with aids, hope you have fun getting rid of that.”

I got into Patricks car satisfied.

It looks as if he had calmed down a bit, so for awhile I rode in silence until Patrick threw his wine bottle out of the window. I wanted to tell him what I had done but, there was no chance, I didn’t want him to be any more sad than he already was, bringing up the past. I think he must hate that, I know I surely do, I think he notices that as well. Maybe, just maybe that is why Sam and him never ask me much of my childhood.

I began thinking about Patrick and all the other seniors going to prom and graduating soon. For a while I was hoping that since Sam and Craig were happy together, Patrick should be happy. I thought that possibly Brad and him would get back together. So both of my best-friends would be happy, now I see that isn’t possible. Maybe it’s for the better. I have feelings for Sam, but over the past few weeks of hanging out with Patrick they seem to be fading into just friendship feelings.

The next day we have school, I talk to Bill in the conference room. I tell him all of my feelings I’ve been starting to form for Patrick and Sam and how these feelings go beyond friendship. After I tell him this, he begins to tell me about his  plan of moving to New York over the summer. I don’t know If I should be happy for him or be sad that he might be leaving. Yes, I only get him this year, but I would still try and get books from him. After school I went to detention and saw Brad. He didn’t look at me and I didn’t even bother to look at him. I started to think about how Patrick has started to not drink anymore. I feel happy for him, and maybe he is realizing Brad was just an asshole.  

A few days later, I go to my psychiatrist and tell him about all my friends are going to move away after high-school to start college, and how I was happy for them and sad all at the same time. Although, my psychiatrist doesn’t really care about what’s going on now, all he ever does is ask me stupid questions about my childhood. I feel like I’m always telling this dumbass the same thing over and over. Whatever he’s looking for, I’m sure he would’ve found it by now.