Insecurities (Avantika/Shiva)

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ENGLISH TRANSLATION IN ITALICS

Avantika moved forward to go behind Bahubali, Rajmata and Katappa but just as she did two guards came in front of her holding spears to stop her from entering.

'Hume andar jaana hai' (I need to go inside) She said calmly even as she had a bad feeling about this.

'Rajgharane (palace) ke logon ke alawa kisi ko bhi andar jana mana hai' ( Only people from the palace are allowed to go in) One of them replied

'Kintu hum shiva ke...humara matlab Maharaj ke..' (but I am Shiva's... I meant the king's..) but then she stopped mid sentence not knowing what to say. What were they? They were not husband and wife. Neither were they engaged. Lovers? Isn't that term always looked down upon? Will it be okay to tell others about the relationship they shared? Probably not!

'Hum Maharaja ke khas dost hain' (I am the King's friend) she completed swallowing her feelings.

'Dost? Or tum?' (friend and you?) The guard laughed 'Maharaj bhaut dayalu hain tumse ek baar baat krli hogi toh tumne unhe apna dost samajhlia? Dekho niklo yaha se maharaj abhi abhi wapas aaye hain praja se wo kab milna chaahte hai bta denge. Chalo nikalo yaha se'
(Our King is very kind. He believes in treating everyone the same. But that doesn't mean everybody is his friend. Get out of here. An announcement will be made whenever he wants to meet his subjects.)

Avantika finally snapped at his tone of voice and was about to draw out her sword but then she stopped at the last minute. It wasn't untrue after all. She was a  common tribes woman. He was a king now. Will he still accept her? Will he still want to marry her? She didn't doubt his love but one thing they all learned from the story of Amarendra Bahubali and Devasena is that going against the wishes of your mother and the people of the kingdom can prove to be fatal and she does not want to put him in that spot. She does not want him to choose between her and his kingdom and what if he did? Will the people accept her as their queen? Will Rajmata accept her as her daughter in law. Probably not!

She looked at there disappearing figures and wondered if Shiva even realised that she was not beside him anymore. Will he ever realise?

With these and so many other thoughts in mind she walked back to the place where shiva and she made love. Yes, shiva not Mahendra Bahubali because for her he will always be Shiva the man who came out of nowhere and freed her of her life of pretence. It's not that she was not happy before or that she did not have friends but she always felt like she couldn't be what she wanted to be. That she had to wear some kind of mask for the people of her tribe to accept her but shiva made her realise that she could be a warrior and a woman. That she could be what she wanted to be without fearing about loosing her tribe or her identity.

Not that it mattered now. She'll probably loose Shiva anyway. Either he will not accept her or everyone else won't. For the first time she was not proud of being a warrior anymore. She wished she was a princess so that nothing came in her way of uniting with her price but as soon as those thoughts came in her minds she admonished herself for her line of thoughts.

She always told to be proud of who she is. After all not everyone can sacrifice there lives for someone else's safety and separation from nothing or no one is going to change that fact. Not even Bahubali.

A new determination laced her features. She may never become a queen but she is a warrior and warriors don't cry. They don't pity themselves. They live for others and that is what she is going to do from now on. She'll live for others just like she has her whole life. She may not rule Mahishmati as a queen but she will protect it as a warrior. That would be her tribute to the motherland that suffered for 25 years, to the mother who waited patiently for her son to come back this whole time and lastly to the lover who taught her the meaning of life.

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