Start Fresh || j.c. (ON HOLD)

Start Fresh (Jc Caylen Fanfiction)

Death sings to me as I rest my head on the soft delicate cushioning I call my bed. the feeling of wanting to feel nothing at all. Looking in the mirror and wishing you saw a beautiful model instead of the horrendous beast you imagined yourself to be. This is the feeling I wanted to go away, the feeling I would use to cut off everyone I knew. I've lost several friends. I've even lost myself, in the world I created in my head. I would look at myself in the mirror and cry. knowing that I'll never be the person I imagined myself to be. And you know what sucks? People lie to make you feel better about yourself, then there are some people that are blatantly honest. When I was nine I would have never imagined that I would be the person I am today, scarred wrists and depressing thoughts. 'what happened to you dear' voices said to me . I've heard many voices in my head threw out the past years I've felt so depressed. I haven't told anyone about them because then people would look at me as if I was crazy. that's the thing about me, I walk around like I don't have a care in the world but I care about everything. I walk around with a smile plastered across my face like everything is okay. Nothing is okay. nothing. I'm pretty sure crying yourself to sleep isn't the ideal idea of okay. These are the words I would say

-Okay
-fine
-good
-great

But everything was the total opposite

-horrible
-broken
-insecure
-mess

I felt that if I ever opened up, nobody would really care and turn there back on me. why would they care about my problems. they don't have to deal with them, because that's the thing they are my problems.

My name is Marissa Adams and this is my story.