Star Wars Rebels: Hera & Kanan

Chapter Fourteen

Seven Months After A New Dawn (picks up right after chapter 12)

Kanan's wound throbbed in unison with his still-elevated heart rate. Hera had avoided looking at him as she mumbled some excuse about needing to go check the ship for damage, and she'd quickly slipped out of the Phantom and disappeared. He let her go without saying anything, telling himself that there was nothing to say as long as she was unwilling to discuss her feelings. In truth, he wasn't so sure he was ready to discuss his, either.

His lips still burned from their kiss.

He hefted the crate of kyber crystals, bitterly grateful for the distraction of the flare of pain in his flank, and climbed down the ladder into the cargo bay. The crystals within didn't call to him the way his own had, but he could feel them through the Force. He put the crate down and sat on top of it. Kyber crystals had a sort of sentience; as ridiculous as it was, Kanan wanted to believe that his proximity to them might help him regain some measure of control. But the presence of the crate only made him think of dark, endless, icy tunnels.

The Gathering, Master Yoda had called it. He remembered going to Ilum with his friends Sammo and Tai to find their kyber crystals; he remembered wandering the freezing labyrinth for what seemed like days. He had split off from his friends, curious as always and intent on exploring, and had gotten hopelessly lost. Time passed, so much time that Caleb believed his friends were long gone, and he had been left behind to die. Abject loneliness and misery gripped him as he wandered, calling out in vain for his friends. Only when he remembered his training and reached within for the Force was he able to find his way. Only then did he see his kyber crystal flashing and winking at him on the path forward.

In the long years since his Master's death, Kanan had often felt like that little boy- lost, alone, unable to find his way back to his place in the galaxy. But Sammo, Tai, Master Yoda, and every other Jedi he'd ever known were all long dead. Their temples were destroyed or sullied by the Empire. He had no place in the galaxy.

Hera made him feel that he belonged somewhere.

Unfortunately for Kanan, that feeling wasn't as straightforward as he would have liked it to be. He had been taught from a very young age that emotional attachments were potentially dangerous- a path to the dark side. His life after the fall of the Order had only reinforced that old bit of Jedi doctrine, although for less esoteric reasons; getting close to anyone meant possible exposure and capture. Worse, it meant that anyone he came to care for would also be in danger. His intense feelings for Hera meant terrible risk for them both.

Still, she had kissed him. She had feelings for him, too. It wasn't a surprise, but even so, the validation still made him feel as though everything had been turned upside down. He was overwhelmed- elated- and, deep down, terrified. Suddenly, the reason for her angry reaction in the Phantom became clear to him. She, too, was scared.

Kanan reached out with his feelings, searching for her. It didn't take long to find her- though weakened, the emotional storm within her still raged. Knowing her, she was probably trying to distract herself with work.

Distraction seemed like a good idea to him, too- particularly the kind that put him in motion. He headed towards his cabin to get his lightsaber. The cockpit door was closed, and he imagined Hera inside, hunched over a datapad, with one lek draped over her shoulder and a crease of concentration between her brows. He sighed. Entering his cabin, he went to the drawer where he kept his lightsaber hidden and took it out. The feel of the hilt in his hand was comforting.

Minutes later, he was back in the cargo bay. It was the only place on the ship with enough space for lightsaber work. Up until now, he'd only worked with his lightsaber when Hera was asleep, but he didn't know why he'd been hiding it from her. Old habits, he thought.