The Real Jersey Shore

21 Rules for Wildwood

1.

Do not forget that what happens in Wildwood never stays in Wildwood. Something always seems to go wrong. Drama gets worse during and for a few days after. The massive amount of alcohol is a huge part of the drama. The crazy drunk walks on the boardwalk can start more issues as well.

2.

Do not let the wannabes distract you. "The media has influenced many of the young people today," explained a man in his late thirties. Young people are always looking for a role model. Sometimes, the role models are not the best choices, such as the Jersey Shore cast. Young women walk around on the boardwalk with low cut shirts and mega mini dress or skirts like the girl cast members. Young men walk around with spikey and tight muscle shirts like the guy cast members.

3.

DO NOT let the offensive words being shouted out of the condo windows destroy your experience at the shore. The PG version of what they shout out is, "Hey you. Looking good. I'm trying to get it in. Are you interested?" These kind of people are highly influenced by the media. If the media told them to dance around in a clown outfit at the clubs, you can bet they wouldn't hesitate for a second. Worrying about these people's ignorance is not worth your time because this is what they think the Jersey Shore is about. Just have fun and block them out.

4.

Do not worry about the seagulls. The birds will not bother you. Just NEVER feed them because a flock will annoy the hell out of you for hours by attacking your food and possibly you. Seagulls love the ocean as much as you do; respect their presence and they will respect yours.

5.

Do not bring an 18 year old who whines the whole trip because she's the only one underage. She most likely will complain or bring everyone down if she's the only person without a guy. She will act like the whole trip is about her, so no one can go out to the bar. She will act like she's drunk, thinking that her actions will impress an older crowd. Her fakeness only makes everyone wonder why she's here. Oh right, the room is under her name because she has more money on her card than everyone else.

6.

Do not bring someone just because they have money.

7.

Don't waste your money. Enjoy the beach, boardwalk, and pool. You can stay in your room at home. This isn't what the shore is for. Go tanning on the sand by the ocean. Go shopping on the boardwalk. Grab something to eat at the various restaurants. Appreciate some rides at the Morey's Pier & Beachfront Waterparks. The two Shore Shops (like the store the Jersey Shore cast members work in Seaside Heights) may fool you into thinking you're at Seaside. Keep reminding yourself where you are.

8.

Do not forget about the nightlife. The boardwalk is open until midnight. The colorful lights from the shops and rides light up your path. It's okay if you get lost in the colors. Scream your ass off on Great Nor'easter or Tilt-A-Whirl until your voice is gone. Look down if you dare! The lights may treat you with the illusion of how high you are or by making spooky shadows on the ocean. Take a risk and get lost in the lights.

9.

Do not lose yourself too much or else the ocean breeze will take over your mind. The ocean breeze smells like a dash of salt water with cotton candy. It's sour and sweetness can confuse you into being chill or acting like a fool. The signs of acting like a fool include not looking where you're going, walking in front of the train car, laughing when you hear "Watch the train car, please" more than once, dancing in the middle of the boardwalk to music in the stores, and walking way too slow. Breathe in the air too much at your own risk!