After movie nights, going window shopping in town was our other thing. I don't really like shopping but it's one of Blake's favorite things to do and who am I to say I don't want to go, especially when she's finally feeling a little better. Plus, I don't necessarily hate walking with her down the strip on main street, carrying her bags so she can eat her ice cream, talking with her about any and everything. That's the best part, actually.
"Do you remember Steve?" Blake asked me as we step out of the ice cream place.
How could I forget Steve? Blake dated Steve for around a year, that was before her dad passed away. Steve was obnoxious. Steve was always around. Steve came everywhere with us. When they first started dating, Steve and I were buds. By the third month, I hated Steve. "Yeah, I remember him. Why?"
"Do you think we could, maybe, go talk to him?" She asked, trying hard to keep from sounding hopeful.
Ughhh. "Why do you want to go talk to Steve? Steve is an idiot. What could you possibly have to talk to him about?" I asked, seriously perplexed by her sudden desire to find this boy after almost six years.
"Maybe he could help me," she began, and then, seeing the confusion on my face, added, "maybe he could help me fix myself."
"Fix yourself?" What is there to fix? I asked, but only to myself.
"Yeah, you know, like, maybe he could tell me what happened to our relationship.. So, you know, I won't mess up again. Maybe then I'd be able to have a good relationship... one that won't... end... and, ya know... maybe that way I could... get... get Andy... back..." She finished quietly, carefully watching me, trying to read me without catching my gaze.
"What?" I ask, this time aloud. "You want to get back with Andy? Andrew? Are you freaking kidding me?" I want to start yelling but I know it won't do any good. "You want me to help you win back the guy you just spent three days crying over? The guy who cheated on you? For two years! You want me to help set you up for heartbreak all over again?! Blake, you know I'd do anything you asked me to, anything, but I cannot, no, will not help you get Andy back. I can't."
"Please, Carter," she begged, "If you won't help me get Andy back, would you at least help me find Steve? I have to know how I keep screwing these relationships up." Something in her voice changed and her eyes have welled up with tears. Still, she doesn't stop and this time she's almost yelling. "And you're not helping me at all, changing the subject every time the topic of 'us' comes up! How am I supposed to change if no one tells me how?!"
She looks like she might start crying again and I'm not going to let that happen on my watch. "Hey. I'm sorry, B. I'll help you find Steve. But I'm not making any promises about Andrew and that is going to have to be enough because that's all I can do."
"That's plenty," she replied. Then she gave me a feeble, unconvincing smile, tears still threatening to escape her eyes. There was something about that look, I guess, because something inside of me broke.
