At this point, Alex and Maggie were “dating,” something Alex had never really done in the past. But now she had a girlfriend. A girlfriend. Because she was a lesbian, and Maggie Sawyer was her girlfriend. And this thought filled her with glee every single time she thought it. Sure she’d had a few drunken, fumbling incidents with a couple of guys in college, had gone out on a few isolated dates here and there as set-ups or favors for friends, but she never felt much for any of them. She had certainly felt nothing like this. Her studies and later her work always came first, or at least that’s what she told people. She’d even convinced herself that she just didn’t have time for relationships.
But now she found herself thinking about Maggie all the time. Well, nearly all the time. It had started to affect her work, at least the non-crucial desk tasks. Thoughts of Maggie certainly never intruded out in the field where there was no room for any thought other than staying alive, protecting her team, and catching some dangerous bad guy. But the rest of the time? Well… Maggie wasalways somewhere in the background of her mind, if not the foreground. And increasingly those thoughts ended up… umm… somewhere in Alex’s pants too.
She had never seen herself as a sexual person, but every time she was in the same room with Maggie – or just imagined being in the same room with the witty, dark-haired beauty – her entire body came alive in a way she had never experienced in the past. It was like everything before had been a dream, and now she was awake. Not just her nether regions but her whole being – heart, mind, everything – but, okay yeah, fine, her whole being found itself concentrated in her nether regions some of the time. Maggie could touch her in the most innocuous way possible, just hold her hand or brush her elbow, and Alex felt that now familiar pulse between her legs, felt her heart expand in her chest. Naturally, being a trained scientist, she was aware of the action of blood vessels dilating as a sexual response to desired stimulus, but that made it no less thrilling.
Alex hadn’t had much of a fantasy life before meeting Maggie and coming out, but since then and most especially since they had started seeing each other, her imagination had whirred into overdrive. She had started noticing the beautiful women all around her. Where hadthey been before? “Research” on how women have sex had suddenly become a priority, but much of what she found seemed staged, physiologically implausible, and frankly unappealing. (Giant sculpted fingernails – dangerous much?) Still, it gave Alex a general idea, and she found a few images that were more realistic and therefore… intriguing. Not nearly as intriguing as the thought of Maggie naked, though. That thought alone was enough to put her over the edge when she was home by herself, hand down her pants, a position she had found herself in a lot lately. The concept that naked Maggie could be an actual reality in the not-too-distant future still overwhelmed her though.
Being with a woman for the first time – and if one wanted to get technical, probably her first time-first time – was a huge deal to Alex. She wanted to make sure things were right with Maggie before she went all in, because Alex knew sex would mean “all in” for her. As comfortable as Alex felt with her new girlfriend, she still guarded her heart. And frankly, she was still intimidated by her own inexperience. Alex was so accomplished in all other areas of her life, it just felt wrong to be such a novice at something that’s a normal part of most adults’ lives. She feared being a failure at sex.
Alex’s thoughts continued like this as she finished making dinner, pan seared salmon with linguini alfredo and sautéed fresh green beans. She had showered and put on fresh clothes after the gym. Since this was supposed to be Netflix and … something, she wasn’t sure what to wear, so she went casual – a concert T-shirt, some loose jeans, and the sandals she often wore around the apartment.
She had debated about wearing a bra or not. Would it be convenient to go braless while making out? Would it be sexier that way? Or presumptuous? Would they even get to that point? So confusing. In the end, Alex decided to wear her nicest bra, a navy blue push-up with a little lace around the top. That way, if Maggie did see it, at least Alex wouldn’t have on a shabby, faded sportsbra with some sketchy, worn-out elastic. She shivered a little at the thought of Maggie sliding down the straps of her pretty bra slowly, reaching around to unhook it, then… God, it gave her chills.
