Chapters of Dai

Layers and Layers

Does your head rain with negativity the way mine does? Do the words that hit you're skull cut and open up everything in its path? Or do those words pile up creating layers and layers of pure self hatred? Guilt overlapping any sort of lust. And pride overlapping any sort of satisfaction. Or maybe the torment of emotions overlapping any common sense. I'm stuck. No not stuck. Lost. Lost within my own head. My intention was to travel to my heart. My intention was to find what type of true love I held within. Somehow along the way I became dazed and disposed of the only map I possessed. You see I never said I was good at this. To come to think of it I warned you this would happen. But I could never spit those words out loud ever again. For I knew that those negative thoughts were not caused by my foolish insecurities but you had cause them. I'd prefer to inhale the water filling my own head then repeat what I spoke that night. I'd rather inhale so deeply that the water flowing out of my eyes would be absorbed back inside. From there I would continue to inhale leading the dark substance down to my lungs. By 1:00 A.M my lungs will be swollen with water. By around 2:00 A.M I'll be drowning. Around 3:00 A.M I'll be clinging to the little energy I have left. With my eyes shut I fully believe my life is coming to an end. I rewind memories of my dear love. Happiness spread across our faces. Joy surrounding us. Love filling our eyes.With those thoughts lightly sprinkling over the layers of cruelty in my head my lungs suddenly rejected the liquid they have contained. This sudden rejection causes me to cough the liquid back into the bathtub I had gotten into several hours before. With ever cough of liquid I feel as if I were coughing up all the numbness I had felt. With each cough my body became pure once more. My mind became pure once more. And I became sure of one thing. I would return to your arms. Just once more.
Take a deep breath as we enter. Another deep breath before I crawl into my own head to rewrite these words from the book called "Dai" 

<I know it's a bit short but that's my first entry. Hopefully it wasn't to dark (>_<) please tell me how you feel about it and if you would like for me to write some more for you guys. I think I have some ideas that you might like. Anyways thanks for reading❤️ it means a lot to me. I'm just trying to reach out to people who feel what I feel. Goodnight/morning lovelies!!>