That's Why I Love Her: Hawkeye Love Story

Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Your Choice

I lay awake in my bed. I'm really hungry, but Charles said we have to save the food. I just want to eat something. One bite would be nice. It's still really early in the mourning. Barney went out to try to get some money. I blink away my tears. I hate life. It's stupid and pointless and no fun.

All I've been doing is hiding, crying, and starving. Barney doesn't know when things will get better. What if they don't get better at all. I can't live like this forever. I pull my blanket up over my head. I didn't like what mommy and daddy did, but I really want them right now. At least I didn't have to hide. Sure they hit my brother and I, but we still had a place with food. Not much food, but then what we have here.

It's hot now. I throw the blanket off of me. It falls on the floor. At least I get to see Laura. She makes things better. I'll take her to the circus and make her happy. She has to be happy. That is what is important. I get up and turn on the fan. I sit back on my bed. My uncle use to say that life isn't always going to be easy, but it will get better. I feel like he lied to me.

I look out the window into the back. Not much to see but grass. I could play in it. Alone. That doesn't sound like much fun. I should just go back to sleep. Barney says I won't be leaving the house today. First I should take a shower. Barney says girls like clean guys. I should take ten to make sure Laura still likes me.

I get out of bed and head to the shower. All the things I'm doing should get her to love me. Barney said I should make sure no one hurts her either. I need to get stronger if I'm going to protect her too. Girls are a lot of work.

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I hear talking. After my shower and a thousand push ups - I think - I can only count to twenty so I was confused what came next, but that's not the point. I went to sleep again. It sounds like Barney is talking. I hope he's not talking to himself. Dad did that and it was really weird. He would get mad at himself and tell himself to shut up. I crawl out of bed and slowly make my way downstairs.

"It's a good thing Laura was tired or else she would be begging to play with Clint right now," Jane says. When did she get here?"

"Yeah," Charles laughs a little. It doesn't sound like he means it though. I hear him sigh.

"I shouldn't keep him like this," he says. I'm confused.

"What do you mean?" Jane questions. I'm not the only one confuse then.

"Clint deserves better. I'm holding him back from a better life. Someone could adopt him and take care of him. He wouldn't have to worry about money or food."

"But you're his brother and all the family he has right now. Giving him up doesn't sound very appealing Charles."

"Yeah, but that doesn't make anything better for us. He's better off without me," Charles says sadly.

"Charles don't say that. Clint needs you more than anything. If you give him up everything you did was for nothing. You'll give him the mindset of abandonment and soon he'll think no one wants him," Jane says.

Charles doesn't want me. I thought we were brothers.

"I'll explain to him-"

"He's six. You think he will understand?"

"He understands drugs, death, hunger. I'm pretty sure he'll understand this."

"Just hold on Charles. I'm trying to get money to help you."

"For how much longer? I can wait to be depended on you. I know you're trying to help Jane but I don't think it will be enough."

"It's your choice."